1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Mainly unsupportive family-need to cry

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hispanicninja9, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. hispanicninja9

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2015
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buenos Aires
    Hello.
    I have a mainly unsupportive family when it comes to LGBT issues. And I told several of them that I'm bisexual.
    Much to my surprise, the only adult in which I found an ally is my step-father. And he has said awful things about homosexuals in the past which led me to think he wouldn't be supportive. He told me that it was OK.
    But he's the only one. My mother wants me to stop liking girls because "it's not logical/natural". Yesterday she reprimanded me because I askd an older member of our family that I barely knew but wanted me to write and trust him if I could write him about girls too. He said yes, but I don't think he actually understood what I meant.
    And it confuses me because my mother has always been actually supportive of gays and lesbians issues. But that's the thing. She says it's only "normal" when a person is monosexual. And if you like your same gender, you are destinated to be an outcast in society(you have the right to marry and stuff, but you are still an outcast who probably needs help). And you can't like "both things". She told me to decide and, if it was possible, to choose men so I can have a normal catholic family like she wants and so. Ugh.
    My father... agh. He could have a heart attack if he finds out. He has said that homosexuality is demonic. I don't know what he can do. Probably kidnap me and taking me to his church until the devil comes out of me or something.
    The rest of the family doesn't know. Well, my sister, and she obviously supports me.

    And all of me leads me to an idea: I don't want to be bisexual. I find myself wishing girls stop being atractive to me. Actually that's not very dificult since I don't really feel a great sexual attraction to girls. But I still like them romantically. The last girl I liked was a girl from school. We and our classmates spend a week on the Patagonia and it was awesome. It was the big platonic thing I had felt before.
    But since then, I apparently stopped liking girls. Now it's even harder to reach an orgasm thinking on girls, and I just like this other girl at school but it's anything big. She just seems cute to me and that's all. I don't write songs about her like I did with other girls or get our last names together so I can hear how the last name of our children would sound. I wouldn't like to have sex with her. The only thing that keeps making me think I like her is that she's socially awkard like me and I feel like we connect in a very weird way. That, and the fact that I want to go to school to see her. To see if she's OK. Because she doesn't have close friends(at least not there). And I wish we could connect in a less weird way or even talk more than a few phrases. But it's hard. We find it difficult to open up. And the last day I'll ever see her will be this tuesday. I want to tell her something... tell her that she hasn't been just another person I had to stay with eight hours a day to me... that I think she's cool and brave... but I don't know how.
    But apart from her, I currently only like boys. Like the only people I'd like to have sex with are all males. I can only reach an orgasm thinking about penises. The people that captivate me with their voices are all males. The people I create myself false expectations of are all males. The person I think of when I want to smile, if only for a fraction of a second, is my chemistry teacher, and he's a male.
    I don't know. My sexuality right now is a mess. I'd like to understand it. And I'd like it not to be something that would crash my family in more pieces than it already is.

    I just want my father and my mother to be proud of me and to have a great family where anybody has arguments with anybody or dust under the carpet and where the kids are happy to know they're parents will always be there no matter what. And if I marry a woman, my family will only be more separated. My kids won't have a grandmother or a grandfather, at least from my part.
    My friends support me, of course, but they don't really understand. They just say "don't listen to what they say". Well, I have to because I live with my mother. And my father gives her economic support. And he's nice because he knows a lot about cool music and history and I learn a lot from him and we are very much alike. And me liking girls just ruins all of that.
    Agh. And I can't go living by myself because I'll start college in february and I won't have time to have a job if I want to have a good average(that I want to because I'll dedicate to investigation).
    Well, I have to order pizza to eat with my siblings.
    What do you think? Will I be able to be happy one day? Will I ever find out the truth about something? How can I stop thinking about this?
    Kisses and sorry for the long post (*hug*):help:
     
  2. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What is normal to your parents is only what they have been taught as normal. Homophobia is the real lifestyle choice. Don't let others force you into a box because that can be very unhealthy for you.

    That said, it's okay to keep things a secret while you are still dependent on your parents. You might try to make time at college to find other LGBT friends so that you can start having a bigger support group. Also remember your current friends and family who are allies.

    Also, for the girl you like, could you give her a poem or drawing? She could keep it and be reminded of you.
     
  3. hispanicninja9

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2015
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buenos Aires
    Well... I could give her a poem or drawing. She would stare at me awkardly but it will be worth it, I guess :icon_redf

    Yes, I know keeping things in secret for a while is good. I just can't think of how disappointed me father would be and that is making me sad right now.

    Thank you for replaying (*hug*)