For the sake of time, I'm going to try and make this as to the point as possible. I could really use some advice and thought this would be a great place. I was dating a guy in college for exactly around a year, everything was perfect. He was smart, good looking, and became my best friend. However, about the last 3 months of our relationship had been ups and downs due to my own feelings. I had a lot of self confidence issues and issues that I was dealing with in my home life. I have also never been in anything as serious as this before and had my emotions through a loop. I decided that the best course of action was to break up, he asked me to see if we could work things out, but I said no. Two weeks passed and I had never missed someone the way that I missed him. When I told him how I had felt, he said that he just wanted to move on and doesn't want a relationship right now. But he values our friendship and would do anything to make that stay. I spent the next month ruining myself by BEGGING for him back and doing all the wrong things (I made a lot of mistakes in this process). I told him that I needed to not be in contact with him for awhile in order to let the emotions go away. I blocked him on all social media and spent the next two months dedicated to myself and working on my issues that previously held me back. I then got back in contact with him two months later when I felt that I had gotten past all the personal things to see if we could give it another change. He agreed to meet with me and I truly apologized for all the emotional stress that I had put him through. The feelings I have for him are just as strong and I would do anything to have him back. I'm trying to take it slow by sending him a message here and there, but still giving him his space. I don't know how everything will turn out but I'm trying to take it one day at a time. At this moment I'm still trying to maintain my composure and do things for me, but he's still there at the back of my mind. He has expressed how much he cares about me but we are still just "friends" Do I need to move on and stop dwelling on him even though he is everything that I want? Or do I keep trying but still respect his space? I'm at a loss and it makes me toss and turn every night. He is 100% my first love, but I know that the feelings are still there.
Well, first of all, he's very lucky to have someone like you who loves him so much. You deserve someone who loves you back. Maybe not at the same level of intensity, but loves you nonetheless. At this moment though, you need to respect his boundaries. If you don't, you may drive him away. He certainly knows how you feel. Give him some room. For now. If you keep running faster down the street after him he might run away even faster. Stop running for a moment. Give him the chance to stop. Turn around. And come back towards you. Some of us just keep chasing and chasing. And we never catch up. Meanwhile, there's someone right there next to us that we don't even see. Give him some space. For now. OK?
Well... What I would do (just me here. Not you. Literally what I would do.) Make sure to show him that I'm not desperate. Maybe even find some new friends that are good partner material. See if he gets jealous. If not, well that's fine, start a relationship with someone else. Maybe maintain a friendship with him, with boundaries. But experiment with other people. And once you're over him, try to become best friends again. Who knows, maybe he'll fall for you, and then it'll be him crawling back to you. Then again, that might not be what you want to do. Though I stick by what I originally said. Don't seem desperate. And, try to be happy. Studies have proven that the most attractive universal trait for all genders is confidence.
Well I understand that you wanted space, but I think he is quite a good friend for understanding. Just saying some people don't understand and just move on and the fact that he keeps in contact with you still, means he still values your friendship at least. I think you might want to move on, (not saying you should). I think from what I hear the first love can be complicated, but sometimes you just kind of have to move on and start meeting other people and maybe you won't have those strong desires to be in a relationship with him. You should value his wishes and I think you should start building a strong friendship with him and who knows if things aren't working out for you both in other relationships, you could always give him another try.
I am trying to give him his space. I need to stop letting it control my life though. I've gone through all the emotions of sadness/anger/etc. dealing with this but if I truly care and space is what he wants, then that's what I need to give him. The thing is, I don't really want to move on. I've been with other people and what I had with him was something special. I'm also always overcome with regret. Like I said, this few months of not being together has truly helped me get over all of the issues that held me back. I just don't know how to let things be/give him space, but still show him that he's what I want and nobody else...
