I have a question for all of those whose families have claimed to be "accepting" of their sexual orientation. They haven't condemned me or anything or started spouting about how they think it's wrong or any of that stuff. They say that they love and support me regardless, so that's nice to hear. On the other hand, they say, "It's too much for you to ask of us to be accepting of you getting involved in this while you're living under our roof". Basically, they are telling me that once I move out, they have no interest in souring the relationship with me....... but they are saying this "not under my roof" business. The thing is I am an adult, and I actually now am planning to move out soon anyways after I heard this. I'm just wondering if this is fairly typical stuff for a family that is accepting of this, or if this means that they are homophobic? They also say that they find it unsettling to hear this about me. They don't really say why they find it unsettling. I can understand them being concerned about me or just uncomfortable with something they are not familiar with, but part of me is also thinking that maybe this means that they are just homophobic people?
Dude. Stop posting the same exact post about the same thing. You have gotten tons of help already from this. What I get from the "not under our roof" thing is simply they don't want you bringing guys back, which I view as normal. Parents of straight guys generally don't want them bringing girls home to have sex with. It's common. They sound like perfectly fine parents. It makes sense if they're "unsettled" if you just came out to them. They have to get used to the fact that you're into guys. Just be patient.
Yeah. Neither me or my (lesbian) sister were allowed to bring girls for sex to the house while we lived there. Actually, I don't know anyone whose parents allowed them to bring boys or girls for sex. And many of my friends complained that they have no place where to have sex so they often ended up doing it out doors.
I get the feeling that you are going to keep on posting until you get the answer you want. Well, I'm not going to give you that answer. None of my kids, regardless of their eventual orientation/gender will be allowed to bring someone home for sex. You want instant approval, instant agreement with everything, basically everything your own way and you want it now. Sorry but. Grow up. Your parents are trying to get their heads around this massive change in their life. They are trying. You have not been kicked out, you are not being threatened, you are not in danger, you have not been rejected. Stop with the "I didn't get my way" tantrums and see how good you actually have it! You say you're an adult. Act like it.
Homophobic parents would say 'not at all, or I'll kick you out' like mine did. Now I know sometimes seem a lot worse than they are. I suffer with depression and anxiety, say stuff and get all wound up and agitated, then look at what I said when I'm more clear headed and see how silly it was. Sometimes. Your parents are trying their hardest. You really can't ask for much more. They're trying to accept you, and it might be annoying to you because it shouldn't be something they have to try and do, but some parents don't try at all. Mine got me diagnosed with depression and then told me that because of my mental instability I couldn't make my own decisions and that I had to forget about the gay stuff or I will be kicked out. And do you know what? Even I'm fucking lucky, because I have a roof over my head even if it does mean a panic attack every day over never being free, or being accepted or successful. You need to stop repeating thread topics because people are gonna get pissed off. It's difficult- I know, sometimes I struggle with it too because I really just want someone to pay attention or give me some reassurance or some shit before I go crazy. It might be difficult to see if you're not clear headed but your parents are really good. They're trying. I would give anything for mine to even try- I would give anything to be able to hold my girlfriends hand at school without worrying about it getting back to my parents.
My parents let my brothers girlfriend sleep over, whether they did stuff is unknown. I haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend but I'm assuming if they let him sleep over it'd be the same way. I've found there's plenty of ways around that problem. Though maybe my parents are just laid back. One of my friends was out to his parents and they were (more or less) ok with it, and they didn't let him have people over for sex. He moved out and now he can do whatever he wants. Regardless, their house, their rules. It doesn't sound like they're being bigots, it sounds like you are caught up on this one thing and pushing then too fast. That's how you get them against you. You're prepping to move out, the sooner the better so hopefully your relationship with your parents improves.
^ This ! You have been telling your story over and over again, have always received the same response which is that your parents are NOT homophobic and actually are pretty supportive of your homosexuality but yet you find a hundred ridiculous reasons to come back and have us say that they are in fact homophobic and terrible parents. Sorry but they are not. I can't understand why you don't see it but it's getting beyond frustrating to have you post the same story about 10 times a day but yet take no notes of what people have been saying or the advice they've been giving you. You are gay and unless the day you figured out you were gay you jumped up and down with happiness and got out of the closet immediately as you were thrilled by the discovery, I think we can all agree that it takes TIME to get used to us being something else than straight. So we can only assume that someone who's known you and planned out a life and future for you before you even were born would need some time to adjust to the discovery. It doesn't mean they are homophobic or bad people, it means they are humans. To be honest you can't ask your parents to be thrilled you are gay. Being gay means that you are much more likely to face discrimination, beat ups and that building a family won't be as straight forward as it probably would be for you if you were straight. It is normal that they aren't thrilled but it's great they are willing to accept the concept of you being gay (even if that takes time !) Now I think you are extremely unreasonable to feel entitled to be able to bring people into their home (regardless of their sex and sexual orientation or yours). Being able to bring people home is nice but it's not a right. If you want to be able to bring anyone you want home then move out, get your own place and then invite them over. Most parents don't want to have to acknowledge the fact that their children have a sexual life, nothing to do with sexual orientation. A lot of my straight friends can't have people of the opposite sex over. That's not uncommon, that's actually pretty common. I am not out to my family, yet my stepdad would be totally against a guy sleeping in my bed under his roof as it would make him uncomfortable and I totally respect that. I very much doubt he is ''straight-phobic'' and simply believe that the thought of me being sexually active makes him uncomfortable and since the thought of any member of my family having sex 'unsettle' me/ makes me uncomfortable I totally get where he comes from and won't make a fuss over it under the claim that I am an adult and should be allowed to have guys over. His house, his rules. I personally think you should grow up a bit and realise that life isn't easy and won't always be how you had pictured it and that you won't always get things you want the way you want them. Your parents are human with their own feelings and emotions and that would be nice you actually respect that. You want them to respect you and your feelings yet you refuse to return the favour. A relationship is a two-way streets, you can't get if you don't give. Good luck.
Man, I gotta stop this. I've been acting like an ornery teenager lately with these posts and the way that I've been acting. It's like being around my parents for so long since I've moved home has caused me to regress to my stupider, more immature and idiotic self. I mean when I look at it now this post almost kinda reminds of some of my other stupid, immature ways of thinking over the years. The dumbest was this once when I was a teenager, and my Mom took away some cough medicine I was about to trip off of later in the night and a bag of weed........ then I got completely pissed and was saying that she was being strict and uptight for not letting me have the stuff. I got real pissed when she said I couldn't use the car, because she was afraid I'd go out and get more of the stuff. I remember I thought she was being strict and uptight about it at the time, and I was ranting and raving about how strict she was and how ridiculous it was for her to "make such a big deal over me just drinking some cough syrup". The craziest part is that I remember back then, I actually believed this nonsense........ that she was being strict and mean for trying to stop me from drinking the stuff. Now, I feel like such an idiot, and it doesn't even make sense that I thought that she was being strict............ I was being a complete idiot drinking that stuff, and then saying that she was the source of the problem. ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2015 at 12:36 AM ---------- I'll say that in retrospect looking back on me having wrote this post, I think that things have gone pretty well. I can see that they aren't entirely comfortable with the whole thing, but they don't seem to be really holding it against me. They aren't keeping me from being myself, which is the main thing. They aren't trying to force me back into the closet, give me ultimatums, or act hostile over it. So, there really isn't anything stopping me from being myself. They aren't trying to push anything. When I think about it, that's kind of an important thing especially in my situation with me being bisexual and all. They aren't telling me, "Well if that's true, you can just date women and hide your attraction to guys."......... which they'd obviously be doing if there was anything wrong in the situation with them. In some ways, they may be more accepting of me than I was of myself when I first began to realize. I remember I used to use rationales like that all the time. ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2015 at 12:38 AM ---------- Things have gone pretty peacefully and without any real serious problems, honestly. When I think about it, I was just being paranoid that there was something going on...... because before I had talked about it I had the idea that things could go bad which made me paranoid and on edge about it. The thing is there's no reason to be with them though.
Well, glad you're seeing the other side now! This, of course, does beg another question: is paranoia a normal part of your life. Do you normally feel paranoid about other things too? Because if it is a real pattern, you might want to look into that, or even get someone to talk to about it. Also: in your previous posts there is a lot of mentions of... let's call it casual drug use. Cough syrup is normally used for the flu. Not to binge on until you get groggy. Similar with weed. Even if it's legal where you live, it's not something one should binge on. And if it's illegal where you live (as I believe is the case in NY)... it's definitely not something you want to get involved with. And one of the possible side effects when abusing substances can be paranoia or a shift in how you see the world. So, if you are still using mind-influencing substances, it might be for the best to stay away from those, allowing your mind to process this without getting under the influence of certain drugs.
I just wanted to say that I am having a good Christmas, and everything is fine at home. They don't seem to think any less of me, and we've got each other gifts...... and things are good. Also, I am not doing any drugs..... and I wasn't then either. I used to in the past, but I haven't drank cough syrup in years. Also, just so you know the stuff they sell here in the states doesn't make you groggy. Actually, you feel wired with energy and feel intensely awake. In addition, you hallucinate scenes with your eyes closed, feel as though you are flying, and generally have an intense hallucinatory experience. Then, when you do finally go sleep at night, your dreams are bizarre and psychedelic in and of themselves. Like you said, I don't recommend it in the least, especially the stuff here in the states. The stuff here is dangerously powerful in doses above the recommended amount. I knew a guy that flipped out on it and ended up in the psych ward for a few days, because the trip was so intense.
