Earlier today, when I was talking to my boyfriend, he said, "I wish we could do something for New Year's." I reminded him that he was off of work on New Year's and that he could come over, and he responded with, "Oh, I think you're mistaken. I normally do something firework related." Now, I live in a small town, so we don't have a fireworks show here, but I do live close to a big city, where they do, but he just says, "You probably can't even stay the night with me there, so I'll just do something with my friend." I got a little upset, and he says, "I want to come, though." And then he says, "And I don't want to get stuck in New Year's traffic." I mean, I was a little upset that he wasn't going to spend the holiday with me, but that's not really the only reason. When he responded with "Oh, I think you're mistaken" when I said he could some, I thought it was a really condescending statement, and a bit rude. Another thing that irritated my was he assumed I can't stay with him without me even checking to see; he has done this before, where he starts assuming what I can and can't and starts cancelling our plans. What really irritated me was when he said, "I want to come" and "I don't want to get stuck in New Year's traffic." He does this every time he cancels our plans, it's always how he wants to come, and how he can't. Then he starts pulling out excuses that I know are last minute; he originally WAS going to come on New Year's and didn't really care about traffic then. He's also coming the day after Christmas and doesn't care about that traffic that day; which is arguably much worse. Sorry for such a long post, but I feel like I can't really talk to him about it or he'll get upset.
Hi there, welcome to Empty Closets. As hard as this is going to be, this is something you need to speak with him about and ask him as to why he keeps agreeing to plans, only to cancel them. He needs to be more direct with you/honest with you, if he doesn't want to do something. On the whole, it isn't fair to you. You can decide not saying anything and bottling it up, but if he keeps doing what he is doing, there will a day come when the cap will fly off the bottle and you won't be able to put it back on before all is said and done. Once he visits you over the holidays, have a sit down with him and let him know how you feel. You can phrase it so that it comes across as you wanting to understand him. If he comes back with more excuses or tries to be evasive, then you might want to ask him a much tougher question. If he really values your relationship, then the 'can't part' of his reasoning should not be there.
