Alright, I feel nervous even writing this down, let alone sharing it, so please bear with me as I ramble on for a bit My best friend is a straight dude. He's totally fine with me being gay, and our particular teenage sense of humour means jokes about us hooking up (as well as sexy business in general) are par for the course. Admittedly I did have a crush on him when we first met, yes, but since then it's changed into something totally platonic - the thought of going out with him is like the thought of going out with my sister. But I feel like I have this odd obsession with him. I feel like shite if he doesn't respond to my texts, even though I know his phone is pretty crappy and he probably won't see I've even sent him anything until I tell him in person. If I see a photo of him at a party or event that I didn't attend, I get this weird feeling wash over me - sadness or jealousy or something else, but definitely nothing good - and I won't be able to concentrate for a minute or two over anything but the feeling (even if I couldn't have been there anyway). If I learn something new about him, a club he goes to or a mutual friend I didn't know we had, I suddenly have to know everything about it - When did he join? When did they meet? When does he go? Reading over this I'm worried it doesn't look like much, but the feelings are just so intense and I feel like an awful person for having them. Am I a creep, or is this totally normal? Again I feel nervous about self-diagnosing, but I think I might have social anxiety (I think I have enough evidence, but I'm too scared to go to the Doctor for confirmation), and I worry it's just the paranoia from that, that everyone and their mother hates me and only tolerate me out of pity, that this is coming from. I often fear that this friend hates me, just from little things like forgetting to tell me they won't be available to walk home from school with, despite knowing they don't actually hate me (I hope). Sorry, this has gone on for far too long. Could you guys help out? I feel like a mess.
Sounds familiar to me! If you only have a small amount off friends (like me) and you're really close to them, it can feel odd or weird - and maybe even wrong - when we see them with other people or not engaging with us in the same way as we are engaging with them. Everyone's different though, so we just have to accept that they have other friends. Feeling a bit left out sometimes is normal too. Hope I've helped even a little bit. P.S. Don't worry about rambling either!
