How do you deal with being in love with someone who is deeply closeted/in denial? I've had these feelings for far too long. They identify as straight but I just know they are gay. I can't explain it, it's everything they do, their mannerisms, how touchy they are with the same sex, eye contact, defensiveness when straight people innocently say they are gay as a joke, the way they can't hold any relationship with the opposite sex for long, no sexual desires with opposite sex etc. And appearance wise, they look like a stereotypical lesbian. I have a intensely strong gut feeling that they feel the same way as I do for them, many things cause me to believe this, when you just know you know? We're very close friends but it's not a normal friendship, it's as though we both avoid situations alone together sometimes and the awkwardness that happens when we do something strange in another's prescience, and they flirt with me alloooot, but I dont know if this is just their personality as they have quite a loud, extravagant personality. But it seems different when we are together, we hold eye contact for unusually long amounts of times and I've observed the way they stare at others and the way they stare at me and it's something in their eyes that just show how they are feeling, as if her eyes are screaming "I really like you". Have any of you gotten that before? I thought I was delusional and insane for so long, thinking that I am just reading far too deeply into things and that this person is just straight. This was until one of our other friends told me they think she is gay because of how anti-lesbian she is and defensive she gets. I replied by saying that I've never though they were gay etc. just too hide my feelings. She referref to me as her girlfriend when we were out one night and we were being really flirty (ignoring all our other friends etc.) but it wasn't in the straight girl way, it seemed like she was hinting at something. During that night we were very close and touchy and I'm saying this in a humble way but I'm quite a smart person in the sense that my instincts are nearly always correct and I am good at reading people... but of coarse we all have our doubts. Throughout the night she would turn her back to me and ask me to untie her top and tie it again for her which was strange as she could of done it herself, she then would ask me to untie her ponytail and tie it again for her.. once again could of done it herself considering where we were just the whole situation was strange. I don't know how to deal with this, I distanced myself for a couple of weeks and it's Christmas break now, I haven't seen her as I'm on a family vacation but I feel like this will never go anywhere, we are both too scared and if I'm honest, I'm the most confusing person on the planet - I tend to try avoid the people I like and treat them weirdly at times and nobody knows I'm gay, so when I get upset I sometimes do things with men to try feel things (of coarse I never do). What should I do? And do you sense she is gay/ likes me (from what I've said?) Please help!! Thanks for reading also.
Does she know your gay yourself? Maybe try get her alone and tell her you have feelings for her or you could message her and invite her out just you and her... Go for it what's too loose
While I can agree that someone may show every sign in the book of being gay (and I do believe in gaydar)... you don't know that this person is gay. Only she can know that. And if she is gay, it is possible she doesn't even know yet herself. I've known plenty of people like that. So really there aren't many options. You could out yourself to her and see if she says anything in response, but I don't think it would be helpful to ask her, at this stage, if she's gay. And most likely, she's not going to out herself to you, at least not at this point. So the best advice I can offer is to try to let it go, at least for now. Otherwise, you're just going to drive yourself crazy.
