Just a few icon_bigg) important details before my question. I'm a female and I have a girlfriend. We've been together for a year. I'm 23 and she's 22. I am a teacher and live in a different city. She's from my hometown and she's still in the university finishing her course. I live independently, she lives with her parents and the whole family. She has depression. Several times I witnessed her panic attacks (because of her Mom or Dad, they shout at each other a lot and it triggers her attacks). Sometimes because of other problems (when we disagree on important things). I can always calm her down, but I also want her to get professional help. Cause she hurts herself, she admitted she tried to commit suicide before. She had very destructive relationships in the past. Her ex GF physically and emotionally hurt her as well. I am a different type of person and I live by my values. I respect and care about her so much. I never hurt her physically or emotionaly. I talk to her, ecourage her to do the things she loves, etc. My point is we have a healthy relationship. I've been coming home for the past year just to visit her. And most of the time I stay home with her. Her Mom constantly asked me if we were together, I always denied it cause I know she'd flip out when she finds out. I always said we were just friends. Just recently her mom decided to invade her privacy and looked through her things. She found all the letters I gave my GF and she started calling me, telling me she knows the truth, that she wanted to talk to me. I was away, in a different city, focusing on my job. She told me she wanted to tak to me. Called me up and said I deceived her and all. I gave her that chance to vent. I apologized and told her I was not in the position to admit anything, if her daughter wanted to tell her the truth it should come from her. One more thing, she went and got mad at my mom as well. I thought she was done but when she found out that I was home for the holidays, she sent me messages saying she couldn't forgive me after everything she's done for me. She lectured be about morality and religion. Yesterday my GF and I wanted to go out, as expected her parents wanted me to go there and face them. And so no matter how hard it was for me (especially she bothered my mom), I went and even gave them a Christmas present. Apologized one more time. She went on about me having no respect for her, lying to her, not being guilty and all. She talked about religion. Everything she said didn't make sense to me. Bottomline, she couldn't stop us from seeing each other BUT she warned me that she'd be "checking on us" FOREVER. That we can't be intimate with each other because that's a SIN. So she'd control everything. Asks where we are, tells my GF to be home at a specific time. It's going to be very hard because we're in a long distance relationship and I value the time we spend together. That's our situation. Plus, she really needs to go to her appointments with her psychiatrist. Her mom also needs help, the doctor said her mom's a "severe case" already. The problem is, her mom doesn't like it when she opens up to the doctors and would tell them everything, like she's the "bad guy". So she can just stop the appointments and tell my GF "I don't like these doctors". Now my question, what can I do? She's old enough, yes. But she's still dependent on them. Studies and all. I know I don't have the right to intrude. What can I do to help her? Cause I really think she needs it ASAP. SORRY for the very long text. I just needed to write it all down. Hoping someone will post a reply. Thanks!
The best thing to do is just support her as much as you can. Listen if she needs to vent. Ask her if there's anything she'd like you to do. You can suggest that she seek professional help but if she really doesn't want to I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to force her. Does the university she attends offer counseling services? That may be a good place for her to start. I'm sorry to hear that her mom reacted so negatively. What about the rest of her family Does she have any support at all? And if you her mother continues to contact you, consider blocking her. Can you elaborate more on this? How would her mom know what she's telling the doctors, are these group counseling sessions or is there a lack of confidentiality?
Hi, Aspen! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yes, I've talked to her about it before and it's only now that she gained the courage to consider going. She told me they tried to set appointments a few years back (after trying to commit suicide) but they never went back. And yes I assume there is a lack of confidentiality which I am aware is going against their code of ehtics(?). Her mom finds a way to know what she's telling the doctors. About counseling services in school, I don't think they can help her as much cause they'd just refer her to another professional. Anyway, her Dad really doesn't have a say about it cause he doesn't care that much for them. Her older brother is busy dealing with his own life. She doesn't have anybody she can talk to about these things, aside from me. I'm just worried that her Mom would just ignore her condition and wouldn't take it seriously. She keeps delaying appointments. I know my GF should tell her she wants to go but she's afraid her Mom would get mad and all.
