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6 months after coming out and things have not gotten much better.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Skaros, Dec 27, 2015.

  1. Skaros

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I came out to my parents on the same day the Supreme Court made gay marriage legal in the US. For the first few days, things went well. They seemed open minded and what not. Then, things just gradually got worse and worse. My mom became depressed and my step dad constantly makes passive aggressive comments about my sexuality whenever he sees the chance. Just the other day, I went to eat a banana for breakfast, and he tells me "So, of all the things in the kitchen, you pick a banana.... hmmm....". Whenever I eat bread, I like to take the end piece (what I call the "butt" of the bread) and he says "You really like butt, don't you?". Just yesterday, they were passive aggressively talking about me and my step-sister (she's a lesbian) and were bringing up therapy for people like us. The whole conversation was clearly geared around not wanting LGBT kids.

    I feel like there's just not much more for me to do. I just kind of want to move on with my life and become more independent. I also want to show my parents that I can help them in any way. We're financially stressed and there isn't much they can do about it. I'm not sure if they're just taking out their frustration on me or if I made their situation worse by coming out. Any tips or advice? I could care less about my step-dad. He puts my mom through a lot of stress and I honestly can call him verbally abusive sometimes. I feel like my mom wants to accept me but she finds that hard to do because of him (and our family). He's a pretty controlling person. He's also very conservative, so it's no surprise that he's against gay marriage and what not.
     
  2. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    Location:
    New Paltz, NY
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    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    A few people
    It sounds like they have some serious negative feelings, but are somewhat hiding it. They use these passive aggressive ways to just try and get to you. My family has negative feelings about it too, but luckily they haven't taken that passive aggressive approach like you said they did with making the comments about the banana and all. However, once my Dad was angry with me about something unrelated...... then I went up to my room to get something and sounded excited that I found something, and he said, "What a dildo?" It pissed me off, but he was already angry so he was just looking to be a jerk not really wanting to insult me about my sexuality specifically.

    Anyways, it sounds like you are on the right track with wanting to be more independent. They seem to want to be somewhat accepting in that they haven't taken any actions against you. However, the overall vibe of negativity is in the air....... and that's how you know it is time to distance yourself to some extent. I'm coming to the same conclusion too. You did nothing wrong by coming out, they are choosing to take it negatively. Sometimes, families drift apart and that is normal. I think that with your situation, chances are it will work out to still keep in touch and have a relatively functioning relationship with them.... probably, I don't know them though. I feel like I will still be able to have a functioning and normal relationship, just a changed one.
     
  3. Skaros

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    Yes, I can definitely still see me keeping in touch with them. Although, there's no doubt there will be more distance between me and them in the future than before coming out. My only issue right now is actually becoming independent. I will need to commute for the first year or two of college (assuming I go to one in Chicago) because it can become expensive to actually stay in a dorm. Although, I'm hoping a few years down the line I can eventually get my stuff together and maybe stay in a dorm or even a cheap apartment (who knows, anything can happen). I think there's a lot of problems at home, some emotional and some financial, that I have to accept I can't do much about. The only thing right now that keeps my hopes up is the fact that other people have been in my position and ended up fine. The next year or two will be stressful, but I guess this isn't permanent. Thank you for the response! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Skaros, Dec 28, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2015