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Talking to girls with girlfriends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by FlyToParadise, Dec 27, 2015.

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  1. FlyToParadise

    FlyToParadise
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    Ok so I'm really crazy about this girl that I've known for about a year. We have amazing chemistry but due to some really dumb circumstances we never got together or dated. We became really great friends despite the romantic tension between us and she started a relationship with another girl. After this she confessed her feelings for me and I got very hurt and we both decided it would be better off if we took a break from each other and stopped talking. This lasted about a day before she texted me about not being able to get me out of her head. But I don't know if she really wants me it if she just likes the idea of me being in love with her and wants to hang on to me as a backup.

    More time passed neither us could stop talking to the other and we kept trying to solve the issue between us (the fact that we have crazy feelings for each other but she has a gf) and I'm coming to a conclusion that I can't be her friend any longer. She insists that she loves her gf no matter what feelings she may have for me and just looking at her kills me. But idk. Every time I wanna break things off for good she text me and we talk about something random and I change my mind again. Do I just suck it up and tell her I don't want to be her friend so I won't continue to get hurt because I'm in love with her or do I just try to ignore the feelings just in case o change my mind about not wanting to be friends with her. I really don't know what's best for me anymore

    One night she asked me how I expected her to be faithful to me when she couldn't even be emotionally faithful to her her gf. So what's the deal? Am I bad person? Even if we haven't done anything it feels very unfair to her gf who's a genuinely sweet person.
     
    #1 FlyToParadise, Dec 27, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2015
  2. Aspen

    Aspen
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    I don't think you're a bad person. What she's doing is not fair to you or her girlfriend. She's presumably lying to her girlfriend and cheating emotionally on her with you. Meanwhile, she's stringing you along on the side.

    I think it's time to end it. Tell her that you're not willing to do this anymore and then do whatever you have to in order to follow through. Remove her from social media, block her on your phone, anything. Make a list of all the reasons why you're doing it and, if you feel like you want to reverse things, read it. It's going to suck but do you want to stay friends with someone who dates another girl, confesses feelings for you, and then wants to keep stringing you both along?
     
    #2 Aspen, Dec 27, 2015
  3. FlyToParadise

    FlyToParadise
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    Thank you! I did try exactly what you said for a point in time. I blocked her on all social media and tried to stay far away from her. One evident issue is that we do a small cast ( 5 actors ) theater show together that meets and performs once a month and since it's such a small cast with a very intimate feel it's would be hard to just cut her off for good. It would cause a lot of tension that no one would like. Let alone the fact that I was a complete mess when I wasn't talking to her. So even if I do break things off I still have to see her at least once a month plus whenever we're at mutual competitions for activities and other things. We don't go to the same school but we have similar hobbies and activities. So this is where I'm not sure if I should wait or not or just do what best for myself
     
    #3 FlyToParadise, Dec 27, 2015
  4. confusedbubble

    confusedbubble
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    I think you both need to sit down and talk tbh you need to tell her that her having a girlfriend and messaging you all the time isn't helping anyone she's playing you and her girlfriend. She needs to stop messaging you all the time as you aren't able to move on.
    I've just gone through the same thing but I confessed my feelings to them after we took a break from each other she got a girlfriend around 2 weeks later and still tried to contact me so I broke it off I told her I'm not playing behind her girlfriends back and if she wasn't interested then what is the point I've removed her from all social media and blocked her number in my phone.... I told her I was doing it as I didn't want to be seen as the relationship breaker to her girlfriend I told her she can only contact me when she's single (harsh I know) but I'd trust my girlfriend to not play behind my back and if she can't I'd expect the other person to not contact her either
     
    #4 confusedbubble, Dec 28, 2015
  5. Aspen

    Aspen
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    I don't think you should wait. Unless the theater show and the other activities the two of you are involved in are coming to an end soon, there's probably never going to seem like the right time. I agree with confusedbubble, be firm with her. There might be tension when you interact but, over time, things will get better and you have to do what's right for you.
     
    #5 Aspen, Dec 28, 2015
  6. Lipstick Leuger

    Lipstick Leuger
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    Run. Seriously, she's playing games and you need to get away from that.
     
    #6 Lipstick Leuger, Dec 28, 2015
  7. FlyToParadise

    FlyToParadise
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    She gave me my birthday present today and I wanted to break it off but it was snowing and I had 2 people waiting for me in my car so I had to leave right away. I was so so so close. Instead I just smiled and said thank you. It was a very thoughtful gift to. :/
     
    #7 FlyToParadise, Dec 28, 2015
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