Hey guys, I haven't been on here in a while, but i something recently came up that has been bothering me and I need some reassurance. So of course like most gay/bi guys, I resort to ****** to find someone. I met this guy on Christmas eve/Christmas morning and we did our thing Saturday night/sunday morning (sorry if its tmi lol). He seems like the greatest guy I've met (personality and looks wise). However, he seems to think I'm a creep and stuff because I brought up my past hookups. We almost didnt do our thing because of me being "a creep." Anyways, earlier tonight he was so creeped out that he decided to sh** on me (not literally lol) and then block me. All because I said brought up a past hookup again. Ive been flaked on many times and didnt want that to happen again; THAT was my point i was trying to get across, but he thought it was so weird of me to bring up stuff like that and i needed help. We talked for almost 2 hours when we hooked up/ did Our thing saturday night and I felt like we were building something. Is he just being overly sensitive? Its just been giving me a headache because Ive been trying not to think sbout it and I just want you guys to tell me if I was wrong or he was. I can give yall more deets if you want lol. Thanks for the help!
Discussing past relationships in depth with a potential partner immediately after meeting them is probably not the best idea. It would seem a bit premature and leave many thinking that you might not be over past lover. However, if the mention of past sexual experiences in general was all that was done here than his reaction is ridiculous. Unless you are glorifying a past hookup experience, sex and experience are absolute subjects that should be heavily discussed between partners before they become active. If you had a terrible experience that you don't want to be repeated, then they need to know. If you noticed that many past partners expected something in the bedroom that you are not willing to provide, he needs to know. Talking about sexual history and experience within the first 24 hours of meeting someone can be weird and hasty, but all of that goes completely out the window when you are on a hookup site and that someone is attempting to become active with you within that 24 hours. In the future, I would highly recommend not moving that quickly, even if only because of the potential dangers, but anyone that is uncomfortable with talking about sexual history in a casual manner with a potential sexual partner is likely not mature enough to be involving themselves in those types of relationships.
Thanks for the reply gen I really apprecite it. But yeah, the funny thing is that I didn't say one thing sexual about my past hookups/meetups to him at all.Literally said that some have left me hanging and blocked me with no reason. Something I DIDN'T want to to happen, but I guess he took it the wrong way. The fact that hes 23 and I thought he was mature enough to handle this.
To me this sounds a little bit like he wanted just to have sex and when you talked about the past relationships he might have assumed you are trying to get into one with him.
First off let me say that I'm no expert on the apps. I've never even used one other than flipping through one on a friend's phone. I do have a few friends who use them--although I would certainly dissent from the notion that most gay guys resort to them to find someone. Most of my friends who use them do it either as a lark or as a convenience. Even the ones who are looking for a relationship don't look at the apps that way. I mean sure you could meet a great guy and something could happen but that's not really what they're there for. It seems to me that the way they use them is more like the way you might order Thai food one night because you just can't be bothered cooking. That being said, if I was on the app and had the encounter in question I might end up blocking you. The thing is you said that you were only talking about the other guys because people had flaked on you, etc. Well it seems to me that on those apps, "flaking" is not showing up or never advancing beyond the talking stage. That ship had sailed. He showed up and still you're talking about it, which says to me that you're talking about flaking in another sense, more along the lines of not continuing the relationship or not staying friends. And, well, that's not what most people are on those apps for, especially not the ones who would refer to sex as "doing our thing". It's like if the guy who delivered the Thai food suggested that next week maybe we could go get a beer instead of Thai food. You start to think things like "damn, he knows where I live". Factor in the fact that a lot of guys on those apps are at least semi-closeted and it just ratchets up that factor. I know this probably wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it's my take on the situation...
Its funny because he actually said himself that he didnt want just a one time thing, "no, not a one time thing." Like he was offended and weirded out that I brought up hookups when I was getting to know him. Like hes weirded out for the opposite reasons lol. And like you said, usually when you meet on an app, they wanna bang and go and the person gets weirded out by the thought of a relationship, but this guy is freaking out because I mentioned my problems in a conversation. Confusing but yeah Update: he didnt even block me hes texted back this afternoon "why cant you just leave me alone?" Idgi.
Well, no offense but you sound overly attached and clingy. You met him once (when you hooked up). Your problem is that you got attached, when he seemingly wanted just sex...
lol yeah I have to admit I am clingy, but that's not the problem I'm worried about. Like what kind of guy gets overly dramatic about me stating about my problems in the past. He was not looking just to hookup I can tell you that lol
OK, so I don't know how to say this tactfully so I will just go ahead and say it. You sound stalkery and, well, I've only heard your account of what happened. Seriously, if the guy wants you to leave him alone, for whatever reason, what do you get out of not doing so?
Based on your account it sounds like you two are in different places/looking for different things, or have not been able to communicate effectively, on the off chance you're really both looking for the same thing. I don't think there's necessarily one who's right and one who's wrong in this case, but compatibility seems iffy. Kinda reminds me of real estate, the "value" of a house is somewhat irrelevant, it's about whether there's a price at which both parties agree to make a deal.
