1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How Do I Let Him Out of My Life?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by thepandaboss, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. thepandaboss

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2015
    Messages:
    2,436
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    Tired and peeved after a day of traveling might not be an ideal time to question my life and relationships but I'm having trouble sleeping so fuck it.

    I write about my boyfriend a lot on here. And for good reason. He's honestly my first serious relationship and the first partner I ever attempted living with. As of right now I've been with him for well over a year. The thing is, I'm having serious doubts and I don't think I want to go for year 2.

    You have to understand I was a wreck when we first got together. A little over two weeks beforehand I had been date raped. At that point I didn't know what happened, where to go next. I was ashamed, I hadn't really told anyone, and I wanted to feel normal again. And so when a good looking man in a group we'd both been in on Facebook messaged me, I started talking back and we caught on. This was my future boyfriend. And having someone woo frankly adored me was something I'd never had before and felt like I needed after what happened to me. We started dating long distance. Soon, he actually met me in person since he had family in my area. And I geniuenly did love him. He was a sweet guy. Very dedicated and quirky. And physically he was my type. At first things seemed great. We had a fantastic sex life, I felt like I could trust him, and we had great conversations, lot of adventures, etc.

    And so moving in with him seemed like a great step. We had been dating for almost half a year when I flew down to California in order to move in. There was one cavaet. He lived with his mother. Now I actually liked her at first. She seemed nice and wasn't put off about me being transgender. The living situation sounded great on paper. I'd get my own room for $300 a month, I was close to town, and the house was fairly big. Worked for me. I wanted to get out of my town, expand my horizons and be out on my own for a while.

    And both my living situation and my relationship seemed great at first. But then it eroded. I'm not going to go into details because I've shared the story so many other times but my boyfriend's mom was a scary lady and my boyfriend... Well, there were issues. He was unemployed. When we first met he survived on odd jobs with a relative who did landscaping and he had just stopped attending college. But when I moved down he basically survived on me. He never once looked for work while I lived with him. And he was very needy. I still can't really go 10 minutes without him wanting to know why I'm not texting back. At first I tolerated it. But it became weird vey quickly. I know he has abandonment issues but it gets ridiculous. Like one time we got in an argument because I didn't have a picture of both of us as my profile picture on Facebook. He said, basically, "Well no one's going to know we're together if I'm not in the picture too". I feel guilty about having friends, visiting with family, going out and doing anything, etc. Hell, we never went out when we lived together. He's often moody and has a bit of a martyr complex. He's sometimes pretty passive aggressive too. A few months ago I left him and moved back home. We continued dating long distance but I'll be honest, I didn't just leave because his mother was crazy.

    I was visiting family this week and I wasn't spending a lot of time on my phone. So I didn't talk much to my boyfriend. And it was actually really nice. No stress. No worrying about texting him all the time. I had a great time, got to see my sisters and mom, and it made me realize something. I'm actually embarrassed of my relationship.
    And I don't know why but I even told my family I was single. My family hates him. I don't have the heart to tell him. They think he's a loser and I have a hard time disagreeing right now.

    I want to move on and meet other people. But part of me's scared to let go and actually tell him so. He's depressed. I'm worried he'll off himself or something if I say I want to take a break or I don't think we're working out.
     
  2. HunterRaven

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2016
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    The only thing I feel I can say is that your wellbeing is just as important as his. And from the sounds of it he's insecure, and possessive .It's definitely unfair that he was financially depending on you while you lived together (I'm assuming he didn't have to pay for his room). I'd say get the hell out of dodge, if that's how you feel.