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advice needed :(((

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by awesti, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. awesti

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    Advice needed :frowning2:
    Posted Today at 05:28 AM by awesti
    Hi everyone,
    I really hope you guys can help me shedding some light on something my mind has been running circles around.
    Am a 25 yrs male. Openly gay but not at work...had to move to another state when I came out...it's complicated my family is anti-gay
    At work I play it straight... A defense mechanism of sorts I guess
    Not too hard as I am very straight in mannerism and stuff...
    With my job in stake I halfta keep a low profile....
    Well, my heart is pounding like crazy r8 now and I can hear it beating in my ears, dunno where to start.
    Well, gotta start somewhere.

    I was really lucky when I got my job 2 years ago and for the first time everything in my life seemed to be heading in the right direction. Some background info on the company that I work for, the corporate mentality is (as much as I desire otherwise) extremely antediluvian....my boss is a former priest and very conservative...almost all of my coworkers signed up for my boss's cult...no alcohol, no sex before marriage, homophobic..I'm not one to cast blame upon others so I'm just trying to get along with everyone...
    I'm of the opinion that people should establish a common ground and appreciate each other's differences as opposed to hating what's not understood. So there's this one coworker.... When I saw him for the first time ever, my initial thought was 'gay....but not my type'
    However, we spend long hours together everyday so I ultimately ended up developing feelings for him.
    I think about him all the time. I want to know everything about him! How he takes his coffee, how he styles his hair...
    If he prefers the top or bottom bun when having breakfast...
    Random stuff....sometimes I feel as tho I've taken leave of my senses....
    Trouble is, he's been married for a year....however, his wife moved out two months ago...she moved to a bigger city...
    He says he still loves her...but can't look me in the eyes and say it...he said they've always had two bedrooms because of his massive snorring (like I said, wanna know everything about him, so I would love to hear him snor, I'm officially crazy now I guess)....anyway, he told me she moved out so she can go to bars every night....they have mismatching working hours so they don't get to spend much time together...she works from 11am till 20.pm, he works from 7am till 4pm....he said she wants to hang out with her friends all the time....that whole thing is just sooo fish!i mean, in all honesty, wouldn't it make more sense to spend what little time u have, together?
    So here's what makes me think he might be gay:
    - he said that, as a gay guy, u need to shut up about being gay at our company
    - he always touches me unnecessarily
    - we lock eyes for like 20 seconds
    - he told me that his family is very conservative, well, especially his granny (whom he claims to love over creation)
    - we always take our smoke breaks together....so I once told him,,,'Gosh!!! I love the smell of asphalt after a drizzle...wish there was a perfume'
    Two weeks later he said 'hey, Aiden, do you know the smell of asphalt after a drizzle? Wish there was a perfume.
    - we went to the movie theater...I put my head on his shoulder to make a remark on what's going on on the silver screen...all of a sudden he puts the tin of Pringles between his legs...acts weird and then when the credits kicked in, he just got off and ran out...
    - we go for a walk almost every day...so one day he just picked an apple from a tree and took a generous bite...
    I'm just like 'wouldn't eat that...we all know what's happened to snow white' to which he replied: 'u would wake me with a kiss, wouldn't u?'
    - two months ago he told me that one of his friends told him that they were gay and loved him....so he wanted to know what I would react like in that situation....
    - one month ago I told him that I would love to play Xbox one...but that it's dumb to spend like, I dunno 300$ on it....
    One week later he got off work sooner than normal and went to one of those stores where they sell like tvs, dryers, gaming consoles...he said that he was gonna buy a tv for his beloved wife...which cost 319$
    Two days later he comes at me and goes: oh my gosh!! I won a Xbox one!!!! I drove to that store to check on the Xbox price: 319$....what a coincidence....
    We went to a mutual friend's Halloween party this year....
    So him and me grabbed a brew after work....all of a sudden he goes: when and where are u gonna put your costume on? To which I retorted 'at Sam's place of course...'
    He just said 'where's the fun in that? How about you change in my car? We just drive to a dark lonely spot?
    We did...so I tried to squeeze myself into the green lantern costume but it didn't work as I was wearing jeans.
    So I took em off. He was standing behind me all the time watching...me in my undies...he then kneeled before me to help me put on my costume... So cute!
    He then saw my camping bag and the spare undies and goes 'how about u put on the black one? Might keep u Warner...it's what I did... So he got to check out my bare ass...all of a sudden he ran away to pee....so once he came back we took off to sam's party...we were 2 hours too late...
    We had drinks together a couple of weeks ago...talking about relationships...and how unhappy I am... I said that talk is cheap....so I don't care about what people tell me...
    You can love someone without saying it...but also say it with actually doing it....to which he replied. 'It's imporatant to tell people how you feel about them...Or else they will never know....if I was to tell u that I love you...and u didn't love me back....I'd be disappointed...but that's just an example'

    I don't dare tell him I'm gay....I mean...he's married straight

    We played Xbox together last Friday...we were sitting close to each other leg pressed against leg...bit nothing more happened....
    I touched his hand a couple of times showing which buttons to press on the controller...

    What should I do? He really plays it straight at work...
    Maybe i am being played? He's suspecting me of being gay? And wants to know so he can keep me at arm's length?
    I'm so scared...work...family...
    But really, being with him is all I want, everything I need! Just want to provide him with everything he wants and needs
     
  2. KTaylor2013

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    First of all, just be careful of the office romance, especially with a homophobic boss. It does sound like he likes you but maybe he just doesn't know how to say it or if he should say it. Listen to your gut. You know more about your life and how different things might work out than anyone on the internet. None of us can accurately predict what the best move is.