As you can infer, I've realised that the family that I found myself presented with 13 years ago are homophobic and transphobic. I haven't discussed or given away any hints on the fact that I am transmasculine- a gender placed within the "boundaries" of neutral and male. However, they know of my lgbt friends. One of whom is transgender and pansexual, another friend is pansexual and another is gay. Just last night, my older brothers' girlfriend called him a girl. He responded with "That makes you a lesbian", at this she pulled and odd face. I then said that there's nothing wrong with that, my family gave me an off look so I said "What? My friends are pansexual." my older brother told me not to say stuff like that. He meant this in a very disrespectful way- so don't tell me that he didn't know what he was saying. He's 20 today and should know better. These type of comments are spoken often, purposely calling my transgender friend by the wrong name and pronouns, calling my friends weird and wrong and saying that they're worried about me as I have lgbt friends. Please help, any advise on coping with this family is appreciated!
Yes, I agree that he meant it in a disrespectful way. But does he know what's he's saying? If he's never had any actual experience with LGBT people as friends, and since he isn't queer himself, He really doesn't know what he's saying, that's the sad part. The thing that most homo/transphobic people lack is education on the matters. It's pretty natural to dislike what we can't understand. Right now, they can only understand it to the shallow level of any outsider. Like, Someone can think they know all about sharks from watching Jaws; and thus, be terrified by them. But they're not really getting the big picture, right? Sorry, Idk if that was the best analogy, but what I'm trying to say is, your family needs to be educated... Somehow. Oh, and your brother needs a big whopping punch in the face.
First, thanks for replying and trying to support me through this. Second, thanks for explaining that- though it doesn't change the fact that he's being purposely destructive. If I- at age 13- know not to insult people for things that I do not understand or anyone at all, surely he, at 20, should also know this? And yes, I wish it was legal to punch people in the face and break their nose.
Hey- I've got no advice, unfortunately... But I'm in a similar situation...my family is very homophobic
My family aren't very religious, nor is the culture affecting this. (British people are usually quite reserved in public so...) It's probably the lack of and misguided education. I believe that they were brought up thinking that words such as "gay" are insults rather than respectable 'titles'. Whatever the reason, I hate them for it. I want to push their eyes back into their brains with the blunt side of a hammer. However, that is illegal. I don't show this, though. I am -frustratingly- respectful and polite to them. I want to love them as I should, but they're so destructive and disrespectful. I know that they've brought me up and blah blah, but they're now bringing me down. Please, someone, I need advice.
Gosh that's so sad in this day and age. My only thing is just to be honest. Try not to get too pissed (I know that's hard sometimes ). Stop letting them steamroll you. They have no right to look down on lgbt people. I'm not saying you have to come out now but calmly and firmly let them know that they are wrong. This is just like racism or sexism - people are people. It's important not to do this in anger. One day they will see, but it will definitely take time.
I'll try not to get so frustrated, questions4ever. Any advice on coping with this? Constantly being pounded into the ground by my own family- the people who are supposed to teach me how to behave and bring me up in a caring manner....I want to love them, but I just can't.
wait a minute, where in england are your family from. The UK is a very liberal country and almost everyone should know that being LGBT or Trans is fine. I'm sorry that your family are the way they are. just remember they are the very small minority and you have loads of friends would accept you. I'm not sure if theres anything you can do to change their opinions. how old are, are you old enough to have some independance. If i were you, just tell them about you when they are transphobic or homophobic. that should suprise them and probably whould make them think twice about being so homophobic or transphobic
Just because the UK allows lgbt doesn't mean that those who are homophobic/transphobic are a rare "species". I'm not going to tell you where I'm from though, cause it's creepy. Tbh I'm not sure you understand, it's basically impossible with the little information I gave you. I'm an introvert, and talking to my family seems worse than talking to a complete stranger. I will never tell them that I'm transmasculine, my brothers would make my life hell and my mother will think that I'm being silly and "following my friends."
