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My family's reaction to my relationship.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lulu123, Jan 4, 2016.

  1. lulu123

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone, my reason for joining this community is that I was hoping for some advice on how to handle my situation with my family. I am currently in a very happy relationship with a woman and I would be completely happy, if it weren't for my parents. I tried coming out to my mum before this relationship even began, because the truth had been circling my brain for so long that I felt it was time to tell her what my close friends already knew...and my mum just wouldn't hear it. She said that it was a 'phase' that all girls go through to question their sexuality and so I should stop being so dramatic.
    About half a year passed and during that time I got to know and fell in love with this amazing girl, who has now been my girlfriend officially for almost 4 months, but we were dating for a long time before we took that step. So naturally about a month into the relationship I attempted to talk to my mum again and again she said that she 'just didn't think I was a lesbian' and that I was 'wrighting men off'. I tried to explain that I was bisexual and had a girlfriend and she simply said 'oh so you have a friend that you kiss, why do you have to call her your girlfriend rather than your friend?' She then said that she wouldn't hear any more of it and the conversation ended there.
    About two months into our relationship, my girlfriend decided to post our relationship status on Facebook, which I had no problem with as it's just telling the truth. My mum proceeded to drag me to her room at 6 in the morning and scream at me about how the 'whole family would know I am a lesbian' and that 'I was a disgrace'. My dad agreed saying that 'just because I was in a relationship didn't mean it needed to be all over social media'. It was the worst two hours of my life and I just sobbed as my mother screamed that I was 'an embarrassment' and how she had unfreinded me on FB because she 'didn't want all that lesbian shit on her newsfeed'. I was then forced to unfollow all of my family members to attempt to prevent them from seeing the post and I am still not allowed to confirm my relationship on FB.
    It's now been four months and things haven't imporved, we usually just don't talk about it, but my mum makes comments such as how a man being with a woman is 'how it should be'. When I go out on dates with my girlfriend I usually have to lie about where I am going to avoid an argument. What makes things worse is that I have been fully accepted by my girlfriends family and I'm forbidden from even telling my brother and sister about her and she feels guilty for my parents treatment of me and I tell her that it's not her fault. I just don't know what to do as I love my parents, but they are making it so difficult to be around them knowing that they are standing in the way of my happiness. I thought things would get better with time but they haven't...I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. NateC7

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    You haven't stated how old you are. A good possibility, if you can, would to be to move out. They might eventually find out and keep you from going out at all, and that will be terrible on both you and your girlfriend. I don't know any other ways of dealing with that mostly because I never had to with my immediately family, but if you can't move out, maybe find somewhere you can stay or something.

    It might also be a lot to ask but maybe your girlfriend's family could give you an out, if need be. Just some ideas. Hope it helps :slight_smile:
     
  3. lulu123

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    Thanks for the advice, I'm 17 which is why they have so much control over me. I'm hoping to go to university but that's in a year so I may take your advice and look for other options. But thank you for taking the time to offer some help :slight_smile:
     
  4. Really

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    Have you seen this? I don't know if you can use this advice in your situation but it's certainly something to think about.

    It's advice about coming out to parents and how it's they who need to start behaving, not you. He says it better. Have a look.