so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so woo

ugly · Jan 5, 2016

im not usually one to voice my personal romances on public forums but im getting confused about what i want and what is actually best for me right now and i could use some help that isnt my dad just complaining about how rich my ex is.

it all started one rainy day after school when me and a bunch of friends went out to KFC (its literally the only place slightly appealing to visit in my area) and one of my friends decided it would be a good idea to bring along this guy i had had a crush on pretty much since i met him a couple of years before. for the entire duration of our little hangout this guy showed signs of flirting and all that jazz and even took it to far enough as to ask for me to hold his hand which i initially declined but he ended up asking again, to which i could not decline again.

fast forward to a couple of days later when one of my friends told me that he liked me, to which i asked him to message me because i absolutely HATE starting conversations, especially with rich cute guys. at this point in time me and this guy never really talked a lot in real life, more because i experience uncontrollable anxiety when i am around him and have a larger preference to being swallowed up by the floor. i would go out of my way to avoid him a lot of the time in order to prevent myself looking like a nervous moron.

so he messages me and it starts from there. we begin chatting, admit our feelings for eachother and start getting to know eachother. this continues for maybe two weeks, during which we meet up several times and suddenly decide it would be a good idea to get physical with eachother really fast. at this point i knew i was in love, but tried really hard to deny it because who wants to fall in love after a week?

anyway, after a week of seeing eachother almost every day, i decide to allow him to organise a meetup or two. but none are organised. in fact, his replies get slower and slower as the week progresses. i confront him twice, asking if there was anything wrong, but he keeps quiet and says everything is fine, so i blame myself for clearly being clingy. at the end of the week i grow impatient and finally invite him over for a movie night. as i assumed, things became quite physical again. i finally admit my love for him and ask him out, to which he says yes, much to my astonishment. this clears up all doubts i had about him previously.

the week after, i give my guy free reign again, so obviously nothing is organised. the replies to my texts are about once per day, and i bear it for several days before angrily confronting him again. THIS time, he admits that his feelings havent developed for me since he had started talking to me, and also mentions that im too awkward when im around him and his friends. he then asks me if i think that our relationship could be worked on.

hurt deeply by how much i have been led on, i pretend not to care and say the feeling is mutual, then choosing the first chance i had to ignore him and stop all contact. however, i still have to face him at school pretty much every day. at first i realised he would try and glance over at me but i would just look away in anger.

now, its progressed to the point where we pretend the other half doesnt even exist. and to be honest, i wouldnt be posting here if i was happy about that. i do still love him, and everything i said about the feeling being mutual is absolute rubbish, but i cant let him know that, because being weak and clingy is not going to bring him back. additionally, how do i know that he was really admitting why he felt he was slipping away from me? i mean, is being awkward around his friends really that big of an issue? it seems more like an excuse. i say this because his friends repeatedly tell me how he chases different boys and it leads me to believe i was just an experiment and that he had found someone else he wasnt confident in announcing.

what angers me the most about all of this is how he was in the exact same situation as me with someone else prior and he vowed never to lead me on because he said he knew how it felt. but this makes me wonder whether i should go back to him and try again or just *try* to get over him?

i also apologise for how long and messy this post is, its now 3AM and what else is there to do apart from vent about someone undeserving of your time and patience? (!)

AlmostBlue · Jan 6, 2016

Re: so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so w

That sounds tough, I hope you are feeling better after a night's sleep.

You two sound quite young, so I guess this is inevitable, but I think you have to realize that all this happened over the short course of 2 weeks. I'm sure you were intoxicated by this new relationship and you may have felt like you were in love, but two weeks is really not sufficient to build a relationship. In that sense, I feel that your expectations from him after only 2 weeks is unfairly high. From how you describe it, I don't necessarily see this as him leading you on. He was just exploring the possibility of being in a relationship with you but at the end of 2 weeks, felt that you two weren't compatible enough. Leading you on would be to drag this on for months while cheating on you with others and manipulating you into thinking all is well. He had the decency to tell you that there was a problem, and asked if it could be fixed. I think this shows a good sense of maturity.

Another problem is that you decided to cut off all communications with him and pretended that the feeling was mutual. I understand pride, but I think the best is to communicate with him how you felt. If you felt like you were being led on, then you should've told him this, so that you could both process this. Maybe it didn't have to be all or nothing. You could've also readjusted your expectations and consider the fact that maybe you are infatuated, not in love, and try to get to know each other slowly. It didn't sound like he wanted to necessarily break up with you, but you made it seem like that's what you both wanted.

I hope I didn't sound harsh. I hope you can communicate with him better and not prolong this awkward banishing of each other.

ugly · Jan 6, 2016

Re: so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so w

AlmostBlue said: ↑

That sounds tough, I hope you are feeling better after a night's sleep.

You two sound quite young, so I guess this is inevitable, but I think you have to realize that all this happened over the short course of 2 weeks. I'm sure you were intoxicated by this new relationship and you may have felt like you were in love, but two weeks is really not sufficient to build a relationship. In that sense, I feel that your expectations from him after only 2 weeks is unfairly high. From how you describe it, I don't necessarily see this as him leading you on. He was just exploring the possibility of being in a relationship with you but at the end of 2 weeks, felt that you two weren't compatible enough. Leading you on would be to drag this on for months while cheating on you with others and manipulating you into thinking all is well. He had the decency to tell you that there was a problem, and asked if it could be fixed. I think this shows a good sense of maturity.

Another problem is that you decided to cut off all communications with him and pretended that the feeling was mutual. I understand pride, but I think the best is to communicate with him how you felt. If you felt like you were being led on, then you should've told him this, so that you could both process this. Maybe it didn't have to be all or nothing. You could've also readjusted your expectations and consider the fact that maybe you are infatuated, not in love, and try to get to know each other slowly. It didn't sound like he wanted to necessarily break up with you, but you made it seem like that's what you both wanted.

I hope I didn't sound harsh. I hope you can communicate with him better and not prolong this awkward banishing of each other.
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Looking back on that post, I apologise for what was going through my mind at the time of writing it. I didn't explain too well.

I can understand where you're coming from, I definitely was infatuated and although I blame myself for being young and inexperienced, my feelings had been cooped up for a couple of years and I can kind of excuse myself at least a little for being crazy.

The reason I felt like he had led me on was how he agreed to be physical with me although his feelings had supposedly "not developed since we had started talking". Also, the only reason he opened up about his true feelings was because I pestered him again. How long would this have dragged out if I didn't prod him repeatedly for an answer?

I would like to talk to him properly about what happened and sort things out but at this point it seems almost impossible, considering I already asked once for us to be civilized when attending a party with eachother but the ignoring has continued since. Would it be a good idea to try talking again?

I'm beginning to accept I've overreacted about everything considering this was just a fling, I guess it just felt like more because of how fast everything happened. Thank you very much for your answer, it wasn't too harsh in any way. Feel free to be more harsh if you wish. :lol:

AlmostBlue · Jan 8, 2016

Re: so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so w

There is no need to apologize, it's good to be able to vent! And of course it's natural to feel all these emotions, and I could really tell from your writing how frustrating this situation is for you, and I can relate to that.

You're right, there is a chance that he did use you physically, but that's hard to say without talking to him. You mentioned his friends telling you about how he chases other people, but you should try not to base your judgement on gossips, even if they happen to have some factual truth. It's more important to talk sincerely with the guy directly, in my opinion.

I think it's fine to at least attempt to talk to him again, especially if you are feeling less agitated about this whole thing. If you discuss this with him, you may get some closure and then remain friends with him. Or perhaps he will tell you something unexpected, something that you had missed, who knows.

Of course, if at this point, you don't want to waste your time on this, that's totally understandable as well. Whatever feels the most natural to you is best, I think.

ugly · Jan 9, 2016

Re: so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so w

AlmostBlue said: ↑

There is no need to apologize, it's good to be able to vent! And of course it's natural to feel all these emotions, and I could really tell from your writing how frustrating this situation is for you, and I can relate to that.

You're right, there is a chance that he did use you physically, but that's hard to say without talking to him. You mentioned his friends telling you about how he chases other people, but you should try not to base your judgement on gossips, even if they happen to have some factual truth. It's more important to talk sincerely with the guy directly, in my opinion.

I think it's fine to at least attempt to talk to him again, especially if you are feeling less agitated about this whole thing. If you discuss this with him, you may get some closure and then remain friends with him. Or perhaps he will tell you something unexpected, something that you had missed, who knows.

Of course, if at this point, you don't want to waste your time on this, that's totally understandable as well. Whatever feels the most natural to you is best, I think.
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I apologised to him the other day and we began talking about school stuff but he's since stopped answering. It felt good to get that off my chest and I feel like now that I have it will be slightly less awkward. Since the conversation ended and he didn't really seem to be interested in it, I feel that there may be a slight grudge or he may just no longer like me. I guess now if we can face each other in real life we may end up being together around other friends again and I can attempt to evaluate him or something. :dry:

Could it be that I've scared him off, or that he just genuinely no longer likes me, or both?

so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so woo

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so i let myself fall in love for the first time and he pretty much led me on so woo

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