Just silly jealous feelings I'm wanting to vent to strangers since I'm so closeted: I have two female friends who I have crushes on. One I am close to but seems to be straight so I have been weening myself off those feelings decently well. One who I am becoming quite close to since I realised she was also bi and decided to make an effort. Anyway, they have been friends with each other a little longer than me and the bi girl is just so touchy feely with the straight one. Like she is a huggy person but when she's hugging her bestie its like a normal hug and when shes hugging this girl she is like stroking her. Seriously stroking her. Anyway, I feel like a bit of a self absorbed asshole but I just get annoyed whenever I see them hugging thinking 1. I want bi girl to hug me like that 2. I wanna hug straight girl like that but I think she can just feel me freak out when we hug so it never works out haha 3. Maybe bi girl has a crush on straight girl. Fuck no,! Look at me over here! 4. What if straight girl isn't actually totally striaghtand and she realises what bi girl is doing... Then what? 5. Ugh... If I like them both then their obviously the hottest ones in the friendship group si if any of the last two are true they'll get together or something and never bat an eyelid at me, I'm not that great at all. I dont think anyone should care about my stupid jealousy but I don't want to come out just to vent to my bestie about this.
I'd feel a bit jealous as well if I were you, especially if you see someone you like being affectionate towards another person. Does your bisexual friend know that you like her? As far as the straight friend, I'd never tell her how I feel if I were you because it is a total waste of time. Like, for instance I'm currently crushing on my manager at work, but she's so straight. Not only that, she is in a relationship so yeah...I've thought about switching my shift just to avoid her, but she's going to be wondering why and she'd never let it go :lol: I guess you could always take step a back and not see them as often as you do now. That might help you clarify a few things for yourself. Like, I think you're right, you want the attention that your bisexual friend gives to your straight friend and vice versa. Perhaps, you should discuss how you feel with both of them, but separately or not, whichever is comfortable for you, but then what are you expecting from either one of them? Because your straight friend may indeed be bi-curious or something, but that's speculation atm.
Ugh. Totally understand your frustration. Jealousy is such a strange emotion. But I do think it's totally natural. My jealousy feelings are almost always visceral and I have to talk myself down. I agree with the previous poster, pinklov3ly, that it might be a good idea to spend time with them separately to see how it is in a onene interaction. Less competition. More intimacy. But it totally feels absolutely horrible to see someone you like give attention you desire to other people. Ugh. Almost nothing feels worse than that.
Thanks guys. Bookreader, in terms of spending less time with them, thats actually weirdly hard for me to do, but I have actually been trying to do it a bit just so they appreciate my re-appearance a bit more haha. But I have no intention of properly avoiding them because they're my friends. Everyone else, no neither of them know what I'm feeling. I have no intention of telling the straight one unless I realise the drunk speech she made once about wanting to marry a woman was actually based on something. I've been hoping I could at least come out to the bi one sometime but I'm sort of waiting for her to be comfortable to talk to me striaght about that because she's weirdly half-out and I basically had to work it out for myself. Then I could work on the rest. I am garunteed to see them seperately from each other every day at specific times of day, just due to the layout of our school day, so thats easy. I will try to leave when they start doing whatever that hugging stroking thing is together because I just feel like an ugly creep, trying to will one of them over to me. I have had some pretty good times with just the 3 of us hanging for ages but since I noticed the stroking thing, I always feel like I'm inturrupting something if I try to go talk to them when their hugging and chatting and such. Anyway, bleh.
