So a few years ago there was this kid at my school that I really liked, but this was before I came out and I was way too shy to ask him out or anything. Somehow I guess he knew and we started flirting a little bit. We ended up having oral sex multiple times over the summer in between 8th and 9th grade, but then he went to a different high school and we didn't see each other for a little while. We had sex once or twice later on but I haven't really seen him lately. Over these past few weeks, I've finally decided to come out (yay!) and I figured I needed to reassure him that I wasn't going to "spill" our secret, as neither of us want anyone knowing that we were way more than friends when we were actually quite young. I texted him a few nights ago explaining that I'm coming out as gay, and he responded: "no problem I'm not gay but no judgement" This really confuses me because even though our relationship was not romantic he was totally turned on by me. We had oral sex almost a dozen separate times over the past 2.5 years, he doesn't have a girlfriend, and I think I know a guy he's attracted to, yet he said he isn't gay.... Is he just in a state of denial, or is he bi, or was he just gay curious with me?? I'm not really hurt by any of this because our attraction way purely sexual, but I just don't understand how he could not be gay or bi (and subsequent texts made me think that he doesn't think he's bi either). Was my first "real" experience with a straight guy, or is he still pretending to be straight?
He didn't say he was straight or "not bi". So, try not to overthink things because he may have some reason not to publicly identify as gay or interested in men. If both of you enjoyed that time together, then what you felt was not fake just because he says he's not gay. And, really labels are just labels; I think that's why people coined the term "MSM (men who have sex with men".
