When the tears come streaming down your face and you're stuck in goddamned reverse

What do you do?

If you're following me you'll know that there's this girl I met online who I got seriously connected and friends with and developed a crush on. And I told her about it and at first she was kind of confused about her own feelings but still told me she liked me. But I sensed that the confusion hadn't gone away and asked her if we were on the same page.

And we weren't. We weren't on the same page.

"And when I'll have no chance of having you, I'll probably think, damn, she would've been so perfect. Because you are."

And that's so goddamned messed up. And it's so goddamned messing me up.

What do you do when things like this happen? What do you do when someone breaks your heart big goddamned time (rush)? When someone tells you how awesome and perfect you are and how you make them laugh and smile and make them set their alarm when you tell them you'll be gone for 13 hours, but they also tell you that how deep they'll ever dig, how much they ever want to be on the same page, they just aren't?

I'm walking on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams and it's really crappy and lonely here.

 

Re: When the tears come streaming down your face and you're stuck in goddamned revers

I guess that's true. When I was younger my best guy friend had a huge crush on me, and he was a great person but I just couldn't. But it still sucks. Mole big.

I don't want to force her to feel anything, of course, but I just can't let this go, because a) she might change, b) she's my best friend and I can't ignore that, I can't forget about her totally and c) because it's simply not possible. Not right now, at least. Because right now she's the best person in the world, in my world. She's the star in my solar system.

 

Re: When the tears come streaming down your face and you're stuck in goddamned revers

Yeah, course they don't (considering you aren't Noah from the Notebook, and I'm not). And maybe she won't ever feel like I do, but that doesn't change the fact that I really want her to. And the fact that she told me that she wants that to happen too. And that just makes it so much harder to get over it.

I just feel like by the time I'll be over her things'll be different and every time until now, when I've finally got rid of a crush on someone, I just start to see all their flaws and I kind of hate them a little. And I don't want that to happen. And it makes no sense, it's like saying if I would have grown up with a different family I would miss my current. Which I of course wouldn't.

(*hug*) thank you.

Okay well I didn't share any personal information like the first thing I did, but after being 101 % sure she was real. Because for some reason I knew her last name before she knew mine...and also I cannot in any way imagine why one would keep up a platonic friendship and tell you about their small and admittedly paranoid fears that you're not real, if they themselves aren't. but then, maybe they're just extremely clever. But then, as I know there's something called being naive, which is probably what I often am, there's also something called being paranoid. And after all, you do only live once. I think.