I'm only out to three people. Two of them are my cis female straight friends. Since I figured out I was trans, I feel like we are drifting apart. I want to talk to them about how I feel, but somehow it always ends up in either a fight or me feeling not understood and awkward. And don't let me get started about what happens when I tell them something they do/say hurts me! I'm struggling with dysphoria (which wasn't a problem before, it actually just really became a problem maybe a week ago) and depression. I try not to mention that, but when I do I don't really get a reaction. They'll just act like nothing happened and get on with the next subject. I don't think they mean it in a mean way.. They say I don't talk to them enough about my feelings and too much about transgender people in general. (I know, I don't really get it either.) I don't talk to them because I don't like it. I actually don't really want them to be my best friends anymore, but there are no other accepting people around (I know this sounds really really mean) My school is pretty conservative and they are the most accepting in my class. (I don't get along with anyone in my class that well, not just because me being trans. There are just a lot of other differences. I'm going to a support group in a bit more than a week but I doubt there will be many people my age. So I really don't know how to act. Should I just concentrate on online friends (Which I only have two of) or try to work things out with them? (Like I said I've actually tried that before but it didn't go well.)
Often people put unrealistic expectations on their friends especially when it comes to understanding and emotional support. It is extremely hard for them to relate to what you are going through and for this reason they rather not talk about it as it makes them feel awkward as they don't know how they could support you. Imagine a friend of yours came to you telling that she feels that she is meant to be blind and wants to become blind. How would you feel about that? Or that she has two persons in her body. How would you feel about that? How empathetic you could be? It easier for your friends to move on to a new topic when they don't know how to respond. You should talk to a psychologist or therapist who can help you process your own emotions and detect the problematic issues. This is true for many many issues where talking to friends is either awkward or unhelpful. My advice is that you should avoid using your friends as therapy substitutes and stop expecting them to respond in a way you want. They have shown that they care: they ask about your emotions but you rather talk about transissues which they have no interest or understanding. You feel you don't want to be their friend anymore because of your misplaced expectations about how you would like them to response. Don't dump your friends now. You will regret it once you feel better. Talk to your online friends about the trans stuff if they are more interested and do other things with your other friends. And do share about your emotions with them. This way they don't get the wrong idea. If you feel like you don't want to hang out with them so much right now tell them you are now a little depressed and need some time on your own.
