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Question after coming out to parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lovetoomuch, Jan 13, 2016.

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  1. lovetoomuch

    lovetoomuch
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    I came out to my parents this past Sunday and was really happy with how everything went. They were quite supportive, but obviously had some concerns.

    However, the past few days my parents have constantly been bringing up whether I'm transgender. My brother asked me about it Sunday when we were talking by ourselves. Then today, my mom said, "If you were transgender, I don't know if I could deal with that."

    I said, "Mom, I told you I'm not." And then she said, "Well you told us you weren't gay a few years ago!" I said. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm transgender."

    I understand they are still processing the news and reassessing a lot of things. I have absolutely no problem with transgender people and think transgender people should do what they want with their lives.

    But am I right to get annoyed by that question? Also, has anyone else dealt with this? I I just hate how my family is making assumptions all of a sudden. Also, the "Well you told us you weren't gay a few years ago" comment bothered me. :icon_sad:

    I'm trying not to get mad at my parents about these comments because they really weren't expecting this, but it's getting harder.
     
    #1 lovetoomuch, Jan 13, 2016
  2. BradThePug

    BradThePug
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    I would get annoyed by that question too if I were in your shoes. Hopefully with some time to process things, they will realize that just because you are gay does not mean that you are transgender.

    It may also be worth trying to explain to them that gender and sexuality are 2 different concepts. Sometimes people get the two mixed up.
     
    #2 BradThePug, Jan 13, 2016
  3. bookreader

    bookreader
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    I felt as though that comment targeted me. I would just give them time and like BradTheCat said, to explain gender and sexuality to them.
     
    #3 bookreader, Jan 13, 2016
  4. resu

    resu
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    Yes, you should try to explain the differences between gender and sexuality.

    A lot of straight people pigeonhole gays as basically trying to be the "opposite sex" (e.g. gay men are like women). And, they may see drag queens and assume that is what transgender.
     
    #4 resu, Jan 13, 2016
  5. Runner5

    Runner5
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    I understand your annoyance, however your parents are most likely very shocked and are just trying to cope. I would give it some time, and then at a later date maybe start to explain some concepts to them.
     
    #5 Runner5, Jan 13, 2016
  6. Contact1111

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    That is genuinely an odd question to ask, I will say. It's certainly a unique situation to be in. I can also see you'd be annoyed, because they are repeatedly asking in a negative way. I'd just keep assuring them that your not, since well...... your not. Like someone said, explaining that your gender identity is separate is also a good idea.
     
    #6 Contact1111, Jan 13, 2016
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