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Telling someone you aren't interested

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lovetoomuch, Jan 15, 2016.

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  1. lovetoomuch

    lovetoomuch
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    I made an online dating profile and this one guy messaged me and we started talking. I thought he was cute and it was going really well. But then, he seemed to be taking things way too fast. He was talking about multiple dates, trying to meet ASAP, and even mentioning sex.

    This is my fault though. I reactivated my account just a few days after coming out to my parents. They are not ready for me to start dating and they are extremely overprotective at this point. I am in no position to be in a serious relationship or even meeting up often, but that is exactly what it sounds like this guy wants.

    I am giving the guy a chance by going on a date Tuesday, but I am already lying to my parents because as I said, they are not ready for me to date. So really, this is not a great situation that could get me in trouble with my family.

    Hypothetically, if I end up not be interested in pursuing this more, how do I let the guy down as nicely as possibly? I'm not a mean guy and will not be able to say, "I'm not interested." I know I'm being quite negative, but I can already see qualities in him I'm not really looking for in a partner. Also, sorry for this naive question, but I'm new to the whole dating season.

    So basically, the main two reasons I am saying this is because (1) he seems to be wanting something really serious (including sex) when I am not at all ready and my family wouldn't approve at this point and (2) there are already some qualities that are unattractive to me, like he seems to be a little clingy; he messaged me five times when I didn't respond for a few hours (my phone died).

    I know he will probably hate me [no matter what] if I tell him I'm not interested, but I want to be as nice as possible. Sorry for the confusing post and hope you can help!
     
    #1 lovetoomuch, Jan 15, 2016
  2. Aspen

    Aspen
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    I think the truth is best. Something simple like "I'm sorry, I'm not looking for anything serious right now" or "I'm not in a place with my family where I'm able to date." People have different priorities, there's no connection, it happens.
     
    #2 Aspen, Jan 15, 2016
  3. Mikelhpc228

    Mikelhpc228
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    Hi lovetoomuch-
    I agree. Being honest is the best. By being truthful you are "being nice". Let him know you think he is cool or whatever, but, let him know you are not ready to move so quickly. Wish him luck in finding a better match. Good luck!
     
    #3 Mikelhpc228, Jan 15, 2016
  4. lovetoomuch

    lovetoomuch
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    Thanks everyone for the responses - like you all said, honesty is probably the best policy.

    One more question, I originally agreed to the date, but I really don't think I should go for many reasons. Would it be completely wrong of me to cancel?

    He added me on Facebook already and I don't care if he blocks me, but I'm sure things would be awkward.
     
    #4 lovetoomuch, Jan 15, 2016
  5. Aspen

    Aspen
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    No, it's not wrong to cancel. If you already know that you don't want to pursue him--either romantically or as a friend--it's better to be upfront about it now. It might be awkward but I think it's better than the both of you going through the trouble of a date that you don't want to have.
     
    #5 Aspen, Jan 15, 2016
  6. bookreader

    bookreader
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    Yeah, I agree with Aspen. You never know, this guy could be psycho. Honesty is the best policy.
     
    #6 bookreader, Jan 15, 2016
  7. Lone Dragon

    Lone Dragon
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    I agree that it is not wrong to cancel. I rather have someone cancel with me than just completely ignore me. Ignoring someone leaves a bad impression. It is better tell it as it is. Trust me it may be awkward, but at least you both know what's going on.
     
    #7 Lone Dragon, Jan 15, 2016
  8. Nyanodesu

    Nyanodesu
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    Be like "you are going wayy to fast for me".
     
    #8 Nyanodesu, Jan 19, 2016
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