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Struggling to Get Over Straight Friend Crush

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mm123, Jan 15, 2016.

  1. mm123

    mm123 Guest

    Boy, I don't know where to start. Well, here goes nothing.

    I've been crushing on one of my friends for quite sometime now. We first met each other online and I developed a crush on him around almost 3 years ago. We finally met each other about 3 months ago and we've become incredibly close friends. About 2 months after first meeting each other, he asked if I was gay and that he had suspicions of me crushing on him back when we first started messaging each other online. Of course, I didn't deny it. Fortunately, he was very understanding and our friendship became even stronger after he learned I was crushing on him.
    Now, the only problem is the fact I am still deeply crushing on him. I am trying so hard to control myself and get rid of this crush but it's insanely difficult. It's gotten to the point where I become extremely jealous and miserable when he gives the slightest attention to his other friends instead of me. I know this is ridiculous and that I need to stop but I just can't. I told him recently that I am still crushing and that I become bitter whenever he talks to his other friends and that he had every reason to be pissed at me. He told me he understood and apologized because he feels at fault for making me feel this way. I'm so grateful he's understanding and willing to help me get over this crush. It's so crazy our friendship has gotten to the point where we can literally talk about anything and it won't be awkward between us. I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing friend but I still don't know how to get rid of this crush. I know an option is to distance myself from him and/or stop talking to him but I really don't want to do that because I value our friendship so much.
     
  2. Goldangel455

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    This may be hard but your crush probably will grow as you spend more time with him. Maybe take some time away from him or spend time with others. I know this may be hard but it's the only thing I can think of. Your crush may go away eventually even if you spend a lot of time together and you may develop a new crush. Just try not to do anything that could damage your friendship as it seems like you guys are really close and that you value each other as friends.
     
  3. bookreader

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    Time and distance. He should be able to understand that you need distance from him.
     
  4. Chicagoblue

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    Could he be gay too but slow to come to terms?
     
  5. WhiteShadows

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    I was in a pretty similar situation with my best friend 2 years ago. I couldn't distance myself for the same reasons; I didn't want to lose him, valued him as a friend etc.
    But I realised that it was just making me miserable.

    I went on exchange for a year, so I had a lot of distance, and I got over the crush. Unfortunately though, I sort of did end up losing contact with him. We still message occasionally though. I can't believe how damn infatuated I was with him... Now I look back thinking I was so dumb xD

    So yeah, I think distance might have to be the way to handle it (I'm assuming you're 100% sure he's straight / he doesn't reciprocate the feelings).
     
  6. mm123

    mm123 Guest

    Thanks guys for the advice! I really appreciate it. I'm just sad because I was afraid the only definite way to get over this crush is to distance myself from him...

    Goldangel455 I'm trying my best not to do anything stupid that could potentially damage our friendship.

    Chicagoblue I'm pretty sure he's not gay. He was questionable before because he's never been in a relationship before and never really talks about girls but he's confirmed a few times he's straight.

    WhiteShadows So you're saying you were somewhat forced to distance yourself from your best friend? I'm sorry your friendship with him kind of died down too. Another reason why I'm afraid of distancing myself from my crush. I don't want to lose that close friendship. :frowning2: He's honestly one of the best friends I've ever had. And yeah, I'm pretty sure he's straight haha.
     
  7. WhiteShadows

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    It's hard to get over someone 100% so that you can still be really close friends. You might just lose a bit of the physical closeness, but still maintain the friendship.
     
  8. mm123

    mm123 Guest

    I could only imagine how hard it is. I'm already struggling lol. What do you mean physical closeness?
     
  9. bookreader

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    Physical closeness as in hanging out together, I think.
     
  10. Atreyo

    Atreyo Guest

    You don't necessarily need to distance yourself from him. I was in the very same situation with my best friend of 12 years at the time (17 years now). The fact of the matter is, because you know he's straight your crush will wittle away on it's own in time; no distance needed. Distance just makes it a little easier. But by distancing yourself, you risk losing what could be a great friend. I would not risk that if I were you.

    Instead, focus on getting to know other guys who you feel you have a chance with. It's said that to confess a crush to your friend has the potential to ruin said friendship. It didn't for me and my best friend, and we're closer today than we've ever been. And based on what you've explained here, the same is true for you and your friend.

    Now that I think about it, i've had this experience with an asexual friend of mine as well. We also met online, and we're still good friends 5 years later. I didn't need distance with him either.

    Distance is absolutely the last thing you should do in this situation.
     
  11. LostBobus

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    I understand exactly how you feel. I have had a crush on my best friend since a year after we started talking. To have someone so willing to work with you through such a hard time is truly special and that connection is powerful. What I have found works is to involve yourself with others in a romantic way. We did take some time apart from each other but when we started talking again, our friendship was stronger than ever. Stay strong!
     
  12. mm123

    mm123 Guest

    Thanks again you guys for the help! I really do appreciate it :slight_smile:

    Atreyo That's so nice to hear you were able to get over your crush without distancing yourself. Hopefully I can do the same.

    LostBobus That's awesome you were able to strengthen your friendship.

    I'm glad to hear distance isn't always the necessary solution but I'm sort of lost on how to find someone else to involve myself with or... ya know what I mean lmao. And I'm not the one to go looking for guys to crush on. The crushes just sort of happen out of my control.
     
  13. Cort

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    It sounds like you two have a really good friendship going on. I don’t think you need to break-off the friendship – that would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

    What I think you do need to do is accept the fact that he is straight. Can you changing your orientation just because someone had a crush on you? If not, how could you imagine him doing the same? He’s like you – born with a certain nature that just isn’t going to change.

    Once you’re able to really let that go, you might find that you can still have a really healthy friendship with him.
     
  14. mm123

    mm123 Guest

    Ok :slight_smile: I'll try that. Thank you!
     
  15. WhiteShadows

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    You don't have to cut off the friendship or anything, just put a little bit more distance between you. Like others have said, meet new people and mix with other friend groups etc. You might meet someone who can return your feelings :slight_smile:
     
  16. Ihavetojustbeme

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    im also going thru this