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Mother Acting In Contradictory Ways

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Contact1111, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    My mother is saying that my sexual orientation makes her "uncomfortable", and she is made uncomfortable by the idea of two men being together in that way. She says she finds my sexual orientation "disturbing". I have told her that it is hurtful to talk about it like that, but she has said it anyways. When I asked her how she felt, she said she wasn't sure if she felt she is "morally against it". When I call her on these things, she says in an accusatory way that I am "demanding that she accept this".

    On the other hand, she says that she loves and accepts me as a person regardless of this. She says she doesn't feel uncomfortable with me as a person, and she doesn't want to feel uncomfortable with me. She also says that however things go with me, she isn't going to start avoiding me or acting coolish. She says that whatever happens with this, she will always love and support me. Furthermore, she claims that she has had gay friends. She also has said that she "doesn't care" what I do with regard to this.

    It's just strange. These two things just don't seem to go together. On one hand, she sounds like a homophobe. On the other hand, she is acting as though she is accepting and loving towards me.
     
  2. NateC7

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    Wow, I can imagine this must be very confusing to you. I think perhaps you should try to sit down and have a conversation with her. Confront her, point out that she is being contradictory and it is confusing you. It might be difficult but I think it will be easier between the two of you if you get her to clarify her feelings about your sexuality. I hope this helps a little :slight_smile:
     
  3. Euler

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    Here we go again. You serial posted this thread a month ago. Has anything changed since then?
     
  4. bookreader

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    You should let this go. If they aren't going to accept you, move on. Go hang out with friends, try a hobby, anything.
     
  5. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    I agree. She basically says she is "trying not to pass judgment", but she wants to not talk about it anymore. She basically just wants to ignore this issue, but she says she still loves me. Supposedly, no matter what she's not going to shun me or remove herself from me. She says she accepts me as a person, whatever that's supposed to mean. I'm planning to leave the house soon, actually. If it really is true that she does love and accept me as a person despite her attitudes, then we'll still get along. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure that I buy that. However, if it is indeed true that she loves and supports me regardless and wants to remain close with me like she says, we just won't need to talk about it, and she'll still be part of my life. If she does turn, then oh well. She promised she wouldn't though, so I guess I'll take her at her word.
     
  6. Ram90

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    No offense when I say this, but you are lucky compared to people out there who come out and are openly shunned by their loved ones and society altogether. They get no support from their family and are thrown out of the house to live on their own.

    When you look at something like that, I'd say that you are in a better place since your parents still love you. That is a very positive thing in my opinion. Them not understanding your sexuality is completely within their right. Wondering why they don't understand or accept you for that every other week won't help. Give it sometime, that can be months or years even. Pestering them about it frequently won't help it IMHO.

    Again, this is just my two cents. I mean no offense. (*hug*)
     
  7. Chromedome

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    I think she's bothered and tells you what you want to hear ever so often. But you are lucky to even get conversation as many gay/lesbian kids don't get to tell their side of the story.
     
    #7 Chromedome, Jan 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016