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I came out to my mom, it didn't go how I wanted.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by staries, Jan 17, 2016.

  1. staries

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So, I recently came out to my mom (for the 3rd time because the 1st time she didn't understand) as genderfluid. Originally I came out as FTM, which I will most likely identify in college and with my friends so it will be slightly easier.

    When my mom and I were talking about it, she said whenever we talked about "this topic" it made her "sick to her stomach." Which of course crushed my heart, but I can't help that she has internalized transphobia. I basically explained sex vs. gender and all of that stuff and what being genderfluid is and whatnot, and she took it well. She was still very uncomfortable with the topic until I casually slipped out I don't ever plan on getting bottom surgery because I don't have bottom dysphoria, and she said, "Okay now I feel better."

    How can I confront her about that? I tried brushing it off at first, but now that I think about it afterwards, it kind of upsets me. What if I do end up getting bottom surgery? Will she hate me? I also told her I would like to go by he/they pronouns and she repeatedly told me that I would always be her daughter and that she can't call me he. She also exploded because she thought I would get mad at her when she messes up, for some unknown reason. Sorry for making this a long rant, but what should I do?
     
  2. Jay Dinosaur

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Australia
    Out Status:
    Some people
    From what I can read here, it sounds like her thoughts went straight to trans stereotypes (the view with medical transition, particularly genitals, that cis people can have).

    You might need to explain to her that transition is different for everyone, many trans people transition socially, some medically with HRT or various surgeries, and regardless of what they choose, they are valid. She needs to understand that using your pronouns is important and will make you feel comfortable. Good luck friend :slight_smile: