Mum Seems to Think Ignorance is Bliss

Perhaps you could go and see a psychologist - especially if your parents are paying for it. I don't doubt your sexual orientation but I think a qualified psychologist might help you to deal with your mom as well as address any other issues you have on your mind. Perhaps the psychologist could even help your mom accept your sexuality.

 

As hurtful as it is, I'd say ignorance is better than outright hatred or something.

 

It sounds to me like your mother is in denial. Maybe she thinks that if she never talks about it, it will just disappear.

The fact that your mother is having trouble accepting what you shared with her in September isn’t your fault, neither is it your fault that she jumped to the conclusion that you’re just “obsessed with porn.”

Usually when people avoid deny, avoid, or push back against things that make them uncomfortable it’s out of fear – fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of societal stigmas, and fear of uncertainty. Fear drives a lot of people, and denial and ignorance is a common tool for suppressing it.

So that begs the question: How do you help her become less fearful?

There’s several different things you could try.

She might be afraid that you’ll change in some radical way. You could assure her that you’re still her same son, you still love her, and that your being bisexual doesn’t change who you are.

She might be afraid that people in society will treat you differently – or treat her differently – due to your sexual orientation. You could point out that the stigma of being bisexual isn’t anything like it used to be. We live on one of the most accepting time periods ever.

She might feel guilty for not knowing her son as well as she thinks she should have. You could assure her that is isn’t her fault the she didn’t know you were bisexual – that you kept it a secret because you had to come to grips with it yourself first.

She might feel like it’s somehow her fault that your bisexual – like she did something wrong as a parent. You could assure her that your sexual orientation says nothing about her parenting – it’s determined far too early in life to be influenced by parenting style.

The theme is this: be compassionate, be assuring, be understanding, and be vulnerable. That’s how you help her get over fear.

Good luck.

 

I would just give her time and if she's ignoring it, then it's better than hatred.

 

Great post "Cort"......i 100% agree with your words

I believe the psychologist was a quick band-aid to a conversation that she could not handle.

I think you should try to communicate to her again.... Sometimes...the "children" of the parents are more mature. Be positive and truthful and try again A great starting point would be. i would like to continue the conversation about my sexuality. Maybe you could say, “I would love for the both of us to go to a psychologist together.

And I am so sorry that you feel dismissed by your mom. Give her another change...maybe she doesn't know better and maybe she doesn't have the tools to handle your sexuality.

sinergy

 

I think it's very brave that you talked to her. I try to "jokingly" hint it to my parents sometimes. My dad is usually mock-outraged and laughs it off, my mother just looks very nervous and smiles uncomfortably :/

 

I agree, you are very brave and joking does help... me and my son played the joking game for a year and I believe it allowed the time that he needed to feel safe with me. I am happy to say he is openly gay in our house...he has no need to hide him self from me or anyone. I'm super proud

my son had great fear that I wouldn't accept him and he fully planned on keeping his life a secret til he moved out, but I am so greatful that my son wanted to share he life with me and I am always open to accept it I believe he is happier and healthier