1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Friend is accepting but..not really?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by misplacedaegyo, Jan 23, 2016.

  1. misplacedaegyo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2015
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Copenhagen
    My best (and only) friend is totally sweet and cool, and I'm sure that she really, really wants to be supportive and accepting of my gender and everything, but she just continues to say things like "oh, you're so special and I hope you find *someone* who is just as special as you", "I just have to let this sink in", "It's not you, it's be, but I'll just have to get used to you being a boy", "it's not you, it's me, but.. you have long hair and you look like a girl, and it's just weird" when I go on my occassional rants (that I get can be annoying but I don't really have anyone else to talk to/we usually share that stuff).

    We've known each other since I was 11 and still identifying as a girl, so I get her confusion, but yeah.. How do I educate her without sounding bossy or mad? Because I'm really not. I really appreciate our friendship, and I know the only reason why she is *like this* is because she's uneducated about the topic. What should I do? :frowning2:

    Thanks in advance, Johan (*hug*)
     
  2. Secrets5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    1. boys/men can have long hair too
    2. when she calls you special, call her special too
    3. tell her you've always been a boy, you just haven't always known/be able to express it
    4. tell her that you know you're annoying [sometimes it helps admitting things to others that they and you know but think you don't]
    5. does she like science? Maybe go into the biological aspects of sex and gender
    6. maybe ask to try an experiment where you call her ''he/him/himself'' pronouns all day and see how she likes/dislikes it, so she can know how you [might] feel if people misgender you.

    That's all I've got for now.
     
    #2 Secrets5, Jan 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2016
  3. Elli

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austria
    It might also be how she's just not used to it yet; If you give her some time I'm sure she won't comment about that too much anymore.
    Should it really be that she just doesn't quite understand it (which isn't that unusual, I mean it's always difficult to understand things you can't relate to) maybe try to tell her exactly how you feel.

    You could also share some videos about stuff like gender identity with her.
    Check out Break Free by Ruby Rose or "Boy" - short film (it's danish and as I see you're from copenhagen that's kind of.. fitting I guess).

    Hope that was helpful. :slight_smile:
     
  4. misplacedaegyo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2015
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Copenhagen
    Thanks for your input! :3

    I tell her 1, 3 and 4 already (Like not all the time, when fitting, of course?), and I find that it has helped her understand a bit more, mm. It really sounds like I'm trying to "change" her and really educate her on everything, but I'm really just trying to get her "used to" it. Yeah.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2016 at 10:50 AM ----------

    Thank you!
    I do the things you mentioned in the first paragraph already, and as you wrote in the second one, I'm trying to "throw in" some videos, things I think/experience as a transguy and so on in order to make it.. a regular thing? Do you feel me? Like to make her understand that this is a big part of my everyday life and not just some strange thing that only happens online, yeah.