Ok so where do I start......I've been going out with this guy for a month and a bit now (we dated before then for 3 months) and I really love him and I am happy with our relationship. We have only had sex once (my first time as well) and it was good although quite nerve racking since I'm very new to sex. We had done all of the other stuff before Anal and it was good and when I bottomed it was great. The only problem is when it came to me being the top I couldn't get an erection hard enough to penetrate. During foreplay I did but as soon as I put the condom on (which took a while as it didn't really fit probably) I lost my erection (not completely, I still had a semi). Obviously I was really embarrassed by this and apologised to him a lot but he said it didn't matter and that he loves me and is not going anywhere. Then afterwards we just gave each other handjobs and I was able to get an erection and ejaculate (although this did take what seemed like a lot of time) although to be honest at this point I wasn't really feeling 100%. Then the next day he gave me a handjob and I was able to ejacualte a lot quicker and it felt much more enjoyable ( so maybe I just really have to be in the mood?) if you haven't guessed already I over think everything and often fixate on small problems. The final thing is that it looks a little unsightly 'down there' as I have inflamed hair follicles.....my doctor said there absolutely nothing to worry about and there is no treatment as it's not anything abnormal, plus my boyfriend isn't bothered by them either. As I said though, I overthink everything and have even broken down in tears because of how it looks even though deep down I know it could be a lot lot worse. I said About how the hair follicles made me feel to my doctor (and of course started crying) and she recommended that I see a psychologist (I always mentioned that I overthink everything and haven't been very sexually active apart from the last few months) So is there something wrong with me? Is it a deep rooted psychological reason, I have only been out for 4 months so maybe I'm just a bit overwhelmed? Maybe it's because I don't like the way I look 'down there' and that is seriously knocking my confidence? I just really don't want my boyfriend to leave me (I know he said he wouldn't, but still), I would do anything to make him happy and love him dearly so I know for a fact that it's me and not him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and if you have had a similar experience then please do share how you overcame it.....thanks
You come across as rather insecure person. I mean this line alone screams it pretty badly: I think talking to a psychologist or a therapist might be a good start for you to improve your self-confidence. There is never harm in talking to one.
I would also say, in general - follow your doctor's advice. If they suggested a psychologist, give it a shot and look into a few in your area. The upside to that process is you have complete control over it - you can start or stop any time you like, and the pace can be whatever you like as well. It may help calm/focus your thoughts a bit (you mention several times in this post that you're feeling anxious/overthinking things, and if you can tell that this is a problem and it's causing you stress, it would be a great thing to work on). In the meantime - the one thing you say about your boyfriend's reactions to any of this here is that "he said it didn't matter and that he loves me and is not going anywhere." Keep reminding yourself of that.
