so, ill just get right into things. I made a new friend mid october and we ended up becoming good friends really fast, both bonding over our love of weed. We began hanging out very often which would include us driving around in his car, smoking weed and then me sleeping over at his place (on the couch in his room). This was pretty normal for me as I have had close stoner friends before and things seemed chill between us. But as january came around i started realizing that I was extremely attracted to gay pornography, started with traps then escalated to watching full on gay sex and wanting to bottom. One time we were hanging out and we had smoked and i cant remeber what had happened but for some reason I had an erection and i think he noticed it. after then the next time we hung out was when I had my house to myself, dad had gone on vacation. We both got done smoking and came inside and he began to it this orange very sexually. He was moaning my name and slurping on the fruit, it seemed like he was trying to get me aroused, like he knew i could be gay. i tried my best to not look at him and pay attention to my phone, fighting off my impending boner. after that we both sat down on the couch and began to order a pizza, he laid down on his stomach lying across the couch head close to my lap while i ordered the pizza on my laptop, this entire time trying to fight of my huge erection. i was kind of spaced out and kept getting distracted by how close he was to me, plus i was really stoned. so he grabs my comp and orders himself we both get a pizza as he very sexually asks me if i want sausage,meat etc.to cut things short we wanted to watch a horror movie, he said he would if we cuddled and slept together on the couch, this made me uncomfortable so without saying anything i just changed it to some comedy movie instead. he ended up passing out early on the couch and i ended up sleeping in my bed. Next morning we treated everything like normal. Next few weeks we dont see eachother, he goes on vacation with family for christmas break. when he gets back we hangout a few times, him seemingly teasing me alot, slapping my ass,squeezing it, and everytime after we blazed and went to my place or his place he did this thing where he moans my name and it seems like he knows it gets me hard, and everytime he does it my heart starts racing and i cant think about anything else.but nothing ever seemed to happen. btw i should say this now, this friend has always talked about the girls hes been with and comes off as very homophobic, so i have this uneasy feeling hes just been messing with me or trying to see if i am really gay. as time goes on i start to feel this weird way towards him, never felt like this about a boy before. every time he calls my heart starts beating really fast and i get really excited.hes not bad looking but a little chubby but i dont really care about that i kind of just want his dick but im too scared to come out as i feel my friends will feel ive betrayed them and ill be completely isolated even tho im kind of already in this situation. okay so next time something big happens was just 2 days ago. we had just hungout 2 days in a row me sleeping over both nights, night before this normal get stoned and go back to his room to chill, he starts going on a website, us both knowing one another go on it particualrily the 'random' section. i suddenly see what hes doing and cant help but freaking out and telling him i dont feel comfortable, trying to hide the erection i may get from seeing the large amount of gay content on this forum. he agrees and exits the browser. he then starts saying something to me, couldnt really comprehend because i was really stoned and he wasnt being straightforward at all.not sure exactly what it was but i feel like it was a reference to me being gay. alright whatever i go and ly on the couch and he lays on his bed and we watch straight out of compton, ofcourse we both pass out and once again everything is normal in the morning. so as the night of the next day comes around he calls me up and asks me if i wanna hangout and blaze. he picks me up from my place and we try to call our one friend to see if he wants to chill ends up not being able to. we only have 1 joint so we decide to hit someone up for an 1/8, we go and pick up at this party and we see my friend lets call him jake there and we go to his place nearby to blaze. we go to his dorm room and chill as he gets his pipe. we then make our way to a cool spot, having to hop this fence, which my friend offers to catch me as i come down the other side and i do. we walk through this dark forest and finally get to the spot. once were there we begin to smoke the j from earlier and jake begins to grind up the weed we had picked up.my friend then begins making gay jokes about me, not knowing how to respond i start calling him names back (not gay). he then asks jake for a massage and jake gives him one, he then moves over and goes sits the step below right in front of me and lies back with his head in my crotch, as he does this he pushes me back and now im sitting on the root of a tree and end up struggling free from him because of my uncomfortable seating. i sit down in a better spot and he asks me for a massage so i give him one, very short. shortly after we leave this smoking spot and make our way to a different spot to smoke. we make it to this other spot, being in a parkade and begin to hit my friends pipe. were sitting on these steps and my friend starts getting really physical and pushes me around to get to a higher step to sit on, this all happening while jake is laughing his ass off. my friend then brings up bisexuality and says its impossible. his reasoning being, you have to be attracted to only one genderr and then on top of that just fuck the other geneder. He summarized this by saying its like a gay dude who fucks girls. Im not sure if it was just because i was high but it seemed like he was doing this to get at me and try to out me infront of jake. he begins making more malicious comments about me being gay (everyone taking it as a joke).i then have to urinate so i leave the staircase and go into the actual parking area to piss but i cant find a good spot, plus im sketched cuz security, as i return to the stairs and they are gone. iassume theyre messing with me so i go to the top level and open the door and see them running across the parking lot. i run after them, my friend being out of shape and slow i catch up to him, while jake is far ahead being very atheltic. as i catch him i get distracted with finding jake, while this happens i hear my friend start to run, i see them meet up together and run out of the parkade, by now iv lost them. i get out my phone to call and they pick up and meet me at a decided spot. cant remeber how we got into this conversation but jake says he doesnt have to wake up for anything the next day but my other friend had already asked me to sleep over though he mentioned he had to wake up early the next day. and since i had nothing to do the next day i said i might as well just stay with jake instead. this seems to anger my friend and he whispers to me " you wanna fight for jake". not sure if he was baked when he said this but it reallly confused me. friend leaves and me and jake go back to his dorm where i sleep on a matress on the floor. next day wakeup and very awkwardly leave remmeber how i had been treated the night before and feeling like shit because of it. been really depressed the next day just thinking about how neither of them wanted to be my friend anymore because they knew i was gay.i dont know if i can ever be the same around my friend anymore. i do feel that i like him but i know hes just teasing me with the sexual stuff cuz he wants to see my reaction and i think hes able to do it cuz hes very secure with his sexuality, that being hetero. i just need some advice, i feel like my friend humiliated me after that one night and i dont ever want to see him again, but i also feel deep down that i want us to hook up. sorry for bad grammer and disjointed story, most of these instances happened when i was very high so i have alot of trouble recounting them. and im just too lazy to fix spelling etc. thanks for reading..........
