1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Help needed with weird friendship yay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by juno14, Jan 26, 2016.

  1. juno14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2015
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    scotland
    I made this whole long thing about this but my phone says there was a 'fatal error' whatever that means so I'll make it brief this time. SO.
    My straight-identified female best friend says that she liked kissing me (we kissed a few months ago out of curiosity etc) but wouldn't want to have sex because I'm female. She says she doesn't have a crush on me, but we have a plan to marry which I don't think is a joke. She says the idea of me having a girlfriend makes her sad. When she pictures being with me, I'm not male but genderneutral. This would be GREAT since I think I might be agender but I've got no clue what this means in practise, seeing as she wouldn't be attracted to me as a female since she's straight.
    I feel I want to kiss her and have sex, and she makes me feel happy and safe etc etc all that stuff, and I'd like to be with her all the time. But I don't have a 'crush' on her, ie she doesn't make me all nervous and thrilled and basically crushy.
    So, WHAT ON EARTH IS OUR RELATIONSHIP?!!! Or, if that question's way too confusing, do you think a straight woman could be attracted to a genderqueer female?? Any insight into anything would be appreciated.
     
  2. emmadances

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2015
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bristol
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi there :slight_smile:.
    I'll try and make my answer goodlol.
    So, I can only speak in terms of my personal experience. I have a huge crush on someone right now, but to be honest I can't really picture myself marrying her. I get very excited when I see her and speak to her, and I get butterflies every time she speaks to me (yes I know Im weird and creepy.) But I would feel so weird and awkward and self conscious around her the whole time.

    What it seems like you have with your best friend seems special. because in my (probably weird, twisted convoluted immature juvenile) views, marriage is not just about like sex and sexual stuff. Coz to me it's about what you said, like feeling safe and cared for when you are with each other.
    So, there are queer -platonic relationships, which some people who are in them claim to be stronger than romantic + sexual relationship s they've had.

    To your question, "do you think a straight women could be attracted to a genderqueer female" like, if your still you, tbh I don't see how that would change her attraction towards you, Because you would still be you. And she would still be her.

    You said that she said that the idea of you having a girlfriend makes her sad. It's kinda hard to tell why, would she be jealous of a potential partner? But you said she identities as straight? Maybe it's because as your best friend she wants to be the person who you go to first, and maybe she feels she'd be left out?

    Tbh, I or anyone on here can't find out. I think if you are thinking of pursuing your relationship with this girl into anything other than a platonic relationship, you need to discuss it with her, honestly and openly. maybe make time on a weekend to do it? Ask her what she wants from your relationship. But there's always a risk of ruining a friendship if you start dating and it doesn't work out.

    Ik this isn't like twitter or tumblr but I'm here for a chat if you need :slight_smile: I hope everything works out ok :slight_smile:
     
  3. juno14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2015
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    scotland
    Thank you! That's not weird and creepy, I think that's very normal for crushes :slight_smile: Yes I agree with your idea of marriage! In terms of my question about being genderqueer, thanks but I didn't mean would telling her I was genderqueer make her like me, I meant, if I was genderqueer my whole life, would it be possible for her to be attracted to me? So more objectively I guess. Thank you very much this is really helpful!
     
  4. bookreader

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2014
    Messages:
    2,748
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Suburbs
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I guess it would be possible for her to be attracted to you. Everyone can be jealous, but it doesn't mean that you're gay, straight, bi, etc. I'm here if you want to talk.