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I'm close to my mom but she doesn't know

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by PennyT, Jan 26, 2016.

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  1. PennyT

    PennyT
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2016
    Messages:
    145
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    Location:
    Alabama, US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My mom and I are very close. I tell her basically everything. About two days ago I realized that I might not be 100% straight, and so I'm obsessing. I haven't been sleeping well because all I can do is think about it, and I've been spending a lot of my time on researching stuff. My mom isn't exactly homophobic, but the only gay person she knows is my cousin, and my family didn't react in the best way - nothing horrible but still - when my cousin came out. I'm pretty sure my family doesn't even believe bisexuals actually are a thing.
    So, I'm not comfortable telling her that I'm questioning my sexuality, but it's so hard for me not to. It's come to the point that I'm reluctant to call her because I don't really want to spend an hour talking about superficial things.
    I kind of want to tell her to get it over with, especially if it turns out that I'm gay, but a lot of people on the internet say to wait until you're comfortable with your sexuality before you come out.
    What should I do?
     
    #1 PennyT, Jan 26, 2016
  2. Cort

    Cort
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    There’s something to be said for waiting until you’re comfortable with your sexuality before telling others. The benefit of waiting is that when you do tell them, you’ll have the confidence to stand your ground and be sure of yourself in the face of any doubt they may try to cast.

    If you go into that conversation and you aren’t sure of yourself, you could be talked out of it. Of course you can’t be “talked out of” being gay or bisexual, but you could be talked deeper into the closet. It could create more confusion.

    You know your mom best and it sounds like the two of you have a really good relationship. Is she the type of person that would push back and try to convince you who you are, or is she the type that would be willing to just accept what you’re saying and let you work through it in your own way?

    My mom fit into that latter camp. If yours does as well, I would go ahead and tell her. It feels amazing when you have someone like your mom that you can talk to completely openly. Someone you can be totally vulnerable with.

    If she fits into that former camp, I’d hold off until you’re more certain of yourself. That way you can walk into that conversation fully prepared to stand your ground.
     
    #2 Cort, Jan 26, 2016
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