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Massive crush on coworker

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by anon004200, Jan 26, 2016.

  1. anon004200

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    I started my new job last week and I am currently dealing with a massive crush on a coworker. He's most likely straight but I have reasons to suspect that he might be secretly bi, which are thus:

    1. He's been weirdly shy around me the whole time I've known him.
    2. I went out with him and some other work people at the weekend and he was flirting with me and grabbing my ass (to be fair he was wasted)
    3. He has a certain vibe about him
    4. I swear there's some kind of sexual tension between us

    Ok I know these aren't rock solid reasons, which is why I'm worried this situation is making me crazy. Its possible my mind is playing tricks on me and he's just a shy straight guy (he mentioned a girl he had been recently dating). A few years ago I would have dismissed something like this as a foolish fantasy, but ****** and other apps have since made me realise how many bi and closeted 'straight' guys there are out there. I swear half of the guys on there have 'discreet' in their profiles, and I'm not bad looking so there is a real possibility that he likes me.

    The problem is, I'm not out to any of my work people. I'm also working with some close friends who don't know that I'm gay. On top of that I'm a very shy person when it comes to people I like, even if they are openly gay.

    I've known him for about a year and always thought he was quite fit but didn't see him often enough to get to know him properly. Now I'm working with him I literally can't believe how hot he is. I can't even look him in the eye because I'm scared I'll give away how I feel. At the weekend he was kind of flirting and when he was touching my ass it was not an accidental brush. It happened a couple of times and at one point he full on grabbed my crotch. I kind of froze up and didn't know what to say or do. I'm paralysed by shyness and I don't know how to break through it, but I'm also horny as f***! This week I've barely spoken to him and I'm worried he might interpret that as me being cold or aloof because of all the ass grabbing.

    I've had my problems over the years with anxiety and depression, but I recently quit smoking and am feeling this powerful urge to sort my life out and be a more outgoing person. I could go on for pages to fully explain this situation but I've written enough already.

    Has anyone got any suggestions or advice? There is no one I can speak to openly about stuff like this and I would love to hear someones opinion!

    Thanks for reading! :icon_bigg
     
    #1 anon004200, Jan 26, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2016
  2. Cort

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    I’ve always been of the mind that office relationships aren’t worth the risk and should be avoided at all costs.

    Entering into a relationship with a coworker can seem great at the outset, but things can get really ugly really fast.

    You have to work with the person daily. How awkward would it be to work with him if you tried to hook-up with him and he turned you down? How awkward would it be for him?

    What if you express an interest in him and he reports it as sexual harassment? How would you respond to that charge? Can you afford to lose your job over it?

    Let’s say you do enter into a relationship and then things turn sour and you break up. How hard would it be to keep working at the same place? Someone would probably leave – who would it be?

    Then there’s gossip. Like it or not, hurtful gossip is a reality in most offices. How would you feel if you became the target of the office gossip? How hard would it be to walk into work each day knowing that people are whispering things about you behind your back?

    I don’t say these things to scare you or to talk you out of doing what feels right. I just think that it’s important to assess all of the risks when it comes to a workplace relationship.

    Good luck.
     
  3. MaximusMike

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    I'd echo what Cort said, however I'd add that if you became friends outside of the work environment it may mitigate some of the hazards. Even so, I'd recommend you befriend him enough so that you'd feel comfortable coming out to him. That way you give him an opportunity to come out too, (if he is bi), and it helps you talk more openly to him about things (not necessarily your attraction to him).

    Also, I don't know how much patience you have, but if one of you left the current job, keep in touch so that if there is an opportunity to date, the fear of dating a colleague is gone.

    Hope that helps a bit, and good luck!
     
  4. anon004200

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    Thanks for your reply! I know it could go very wrong. He has worked there for much longer and it would definitely be me who would have to leave, which would be a disaster as its a great job. I would just like to know if its all in my head or not. Neither of us would gossip as we're not out, so it would just be a fun secret fling! I would obviously want to avoid any awkwardness and I would never make a move unless I was getting clear signals. At the moment the uncertainty is killing me :confused:
     
  5. MaximusMike

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    Unfortunately, there's no way of telling if it's in your head or not, unless you ask him. Behaviour doesn't define orientation, so grabbing you arse or flirting with you isn't a sure sign he's attracted to men. I'm slightly worried you're trying to see him as bi because that's what you want to see, not what he is, but I think we all do that when we're crushing on someone of the same sex and we don't know their orientation. Just be aware of that.
     
  6. anon004200

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    Thanks and yes I'm also worried about that. I want to be as rational as possible but I'm in full crush mode. How are you supposed to be indifferent and showing interest at the same time?