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Confidence Advice (for flirting & rejection)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by H20, Jan 26, 2016.

  1. H20

    H20
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    So I identify as a pansexual/bisexual trans male and it's nothing I'm ashamed of, but I've always had problems with anxiety and confidence sometimes even around those I know well and trust. This makes it hard because whenever I have a crush I can't do anything about it because first of all, I don't know how to flirt, and secondly I don't think I've ever been flirted with unless they were really subtle or I just don't know how to read others. And when I get really nervous my mind just goes blank and I forget everything. But I'm also a bigger person and I've been struggling with body image issues as well, so that also makes me more discouraged and anxious.

    I don't have a crush right now, but I'd like to find a way to help me through this so next time I do I can act on it or at least try. Any tips on dealing with the social anxiety, nerves, and flirting? And how to deal with rejection as this has happened to me before and I think that's the source of my hesitations since it was really brutal.

    Really, anything would be helpful, as this also seems to be a problem in even some platonic social situations.
     
  2. anon004200

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    I have the same problem. When someone I like starts flirting with me I just go blank. Then I come across as either disinterested and cold or just dull, while inside I'm in turmoil. I'm trying to practice on dating apps and that's helping a bit
     
  3. Linus

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    The "flirting" in the sense that you're thinking of could very well be one of those illusions society takes great joy in pulling over our eyes. In other words, orienting your mind towards romance could hinder you from forming friendships. Ironically enough, Friendship is the foundation for romance.

    Try striking up a conversation with someone, and you might find you come to like each other. Easier said than done, of course. :slight_smile:

    I know your pain-Small talk is the most complicated part in forming any kind of relationship.

    Stepping up and saying "hi" is a start. Practice talking to people.
     
  4. Spiderstalker

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    i was like that in my teen years, me and my Friends would constantly need to be drunk to approach to girls which wasn't always a good idea, then as nowadays speaking, i don't really go crazy about it since i'm not a flirtatious person so i let the situation roll if i met a girl i want to speak to or she wants to speak to me, noticing i also spend a while dealing with anxiety/panic atks until i understood that was myself creating them for reasons i could not descifer myself, if you met a girl/guy that you wanna talk to just say hi, strike up a conversation with anything (weather cx) and let them be responsive on their own if they are intested they will do the responding and sometimes even the sending a hi, then you just continue

    Tips?
    -Talk to him/her as if you're not attracted, or whilst you're keeping your mind on something else will help you not blackout with over-nervous thoughts
    -be subtle, as if you're intersted in talk to that person but not like you were overcome by this person's presence in a way that nulls you

    i don't really know but i'm trying to think on some advice, if you get rejected is not a meteor crashing onto earth, pretty much everyone in the planet has been rejected at least once or multiple times and you might go well and actually get accepted
     
  5. Cort

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    I think the trick is to get into the mindset where you celebrate and look forward to rejection instead of fearing it.

    How on earth does that make sense?

    The way I see it, it’s all a numbers game. In order to get really good at anything in life, you have to try and fall flat many times over and over again. With each attempt, you learn something and get better and better.

    I try to see any failure or rejection as simply meaning that I’m one step closer to success. It’s like free throws in basketball – if you throw enough shots, eventually one is bound to go in.

    What you should really be afraid of is never trying. The only way to truly never succeed is to never try.
     
  6. yellow2002

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    That's a great way to see rejection. Rejection is my number one excuse for letting nothing happen lol
     
  7. H20

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    All this advice is really great and actually very interesting. I know I'll have to work on the confidence part still, but I'm sure that keeping all this in mind will help me albeit slowly, but it's better slow than not progressing at all.
     
  8. loveislove01

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    You have to get into that mindset where you don't take rejection personally, and you go through it with no expectations.
     
  9. yellow2002

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    I guess rejection just sucks so much for me, personally, because I wait so long to share my feelings so there's this build up/relationship I value and all these connections. One time in my life I told a guy I liked him and he friend zoned me and ended up admitting he had feelings for me years later. I don't know how to trust my gut / not be awkward.