What to do about my conservative friends

Thirty years is surely a long time.
As they are very conservative, it's best not to come out to them It sucks I know. There are many of my friends with whom I've literally fought on LGBTQ issues. And since you think you'll be sure about your sexuality in a couple years, it's best to wait.
As for the arguments, try not to be very defensive. Sooner or later you'll face the question,"Why do you care?! Why are you defending them?", it's a very awkward situation, believe me.
When such topics come up, walk out, breathe and try not to be very defensive.
This sucks. I have to listen to homophobic comments by some friends whom I'm no longer close to. But I stay quiet. It's better than accidentally outing myself.

 

I hate it how people mistake conservatism with bigotry. You've got these 'mainstream' Republicans like Rick Santorum standing on soap boxes preaching about how we need to limit gay rights and whatnot-- just the opposite of true conservatism. A true conservative would see gay rights as an opportunity to capitalize on gay marriages and ceremonies.

Your friends aren't true conservatives, they're simply bigoted idiots pretending to be Ronald Reagan. And even that's not completely true, Ronald Reagan had several gay people in his cabinet, his speech writer was openly homosexual, I believe. You may want to confront them, without coming out, saying "You know, guys-- you're missing the point, there's lots of conservative opportunities to be had with the gay community, like the regulation of gay themed condoms and licensing for gay bars." A true conservative would see money in the gay community and embrace it, nurture it, even as it's good for the economy in so many ways.

 

Well, if you are prepared to severe ties with them here is what I suggest. Write them a letter. Thank them for all the years that you have been friends and that you wish it continued that way. Tell them you are gay and you are not going to pretend otherwise or try to abstain from sex or relationships because it is your life and you have right to happiness. If they are unable to deal with that you understand it won't hold grudge. Best regards, you.

 

It's best to severe ties with them, like what Euler said. There's other friends everywhere.

 

Well, it may or may not take thirty years, but if you're uncomfortable around them now, then listen to those feelings. If the topic is going to come up, then it's going to come up.

The key here is going to be whether or not each of you is willing to meet in the middle. There's no reason that you should have to be the only one to budge at all - carrying the weight of "keeping the peace" is just another way of saying it's a lopsided friendship, but on the other hand, expecting them to instantly change their opinions probably isn't realistic either.

For now, they're feeling free to state their opinions on subjects, and so should you (you can justify your opinions however you want to - you've had different experiences since leaving town, so it's understandable that you might see the world in a different way). When and if you feel ready to come out to them, you can negotiate that question then. In the meantime, as long as there are no double standards and they allow you to voice your own thoughts, then enjoy the good company for what it is.

Of course, if they're actively shutting you down when you voice support for the ideas, that would be a different issue perhaps. But I get the impression you haven't done so yet?