Hi. This is my first ever btw. So I've known this guy for a couple months now (I'm in HS) and he's in one of my classes. We would ALWAYS lock eyes and I felt like there was something there. A couple months later, I muster up the courage to ask him out. I asked him kinda out of the blue and he was somewhat surprised and he told me to text him later. He texted me when he got home and then he agrees to go out with me. I told him I've had these feelings for a while now and he said he did too. We were going to go see a movie and before we met up, we would flirt with each other and he wished I was there with him so we could cuddle. So anyways, moving on to date night it went really well. He knew he was my first and he made me feel so secure and comfortable. We held hands, cuddled and kissed during the movie and everything. (we were in the very back and nobody was beside us so nobody had to watch that lol) I end up staying at his place for the night and then this is where things get really intimate. He would put his nose on mine and compliment me about my eyes, said he loved me, said I was perfect as well as promising each other we would never leave (twice). I did the same btw. Skipping some details, we cuddled and got mildly sexual in bed, no intercourse. After that we cuddled some more and said some more things to eachother and went off to sleep (snuggling of course). At noon I left to go back home and a couple hours later he asked me if I had fun. I told him I did and asked him if he did and he said he did too. Some more intimate texting goes on like "I wish you were here" "i miss you" etc. So on Monday at school we hold hands and stuff again. In the evening I asked him if he had any favorite specific foods and he told me one that he did. (I was at the grocery store and Im vegan so if im going to have him over sometime then I'd like to have something in my fridge for him) He asked me what mine was I told him "Pretty much anything Vegan lol" (Im almost certain he already knew I was vegan and I think I told him before) He replied "What no bacon. I can't be with you." Him and I went back and fourth and he said he was joking when I phoned him about it. But he said "but the next time I might not be joking" Eventually he texted "It's not that I dont want to be with you but right now emotionally and mentally I'm unstable. I don't want you to fall so hard that I break your heart into a million pieces. I just can't handle this right now. I'm so sorry." "In the near future yes but right now no. I'm really sorry." I was phoning him and texting him telling him to pickup his phone at this point. He texted me "It's not you. You're perfect. It's me. I'm really sorry. I just can't handle this right now. I still want to hang out but I just can't handle a relationship." Anyways we talked and he said "I thought that being with you would take my mind off things going on at home" (His parents are separated) He also said he still wanted to hang out and stuff. He also said "We can still hold hands" but he only said that once and I think that was to make me feel better. During the next school day I see him talking with all of his friends, laughing and going about his day as if nothing happened. This really got to me and I had some really bad thoughts so I went to the guidance office. The guidance councilor went to go get my bags from my class since it was the end of the day (he was also in this class) After I left guidance and went home because school ended, I got a phone call from him and he asked me how I was. I told him I was sort of okay and thanks for calling it made me feel better (because I felt like the breakup didn't really affect him that much, he said "Its going to take a lot longer than a day to move on, if I ever" and some other things) we had small talk for a few minutes then we ended the call. Moving on to today he didn't really talk to me that much. Anyways I dont know what to do now. I dont know if he's just trying to be nice to me or if theres another reason. It's really awkward talking to him with other people around and I really miss him so much more than he knows and it really hurts.
First of all, welcome to EC! Second, I'm sorry about your experience with this guy. When I read this I immediately knew how your post was going to end. Considering this happened between two persons with out other mutual history such as preceding friendship, this is an enormous red flag. Telling someone you love them after just few hours tells about inability to regulate one's emotions and their expression. Now, it's not uncommon to have a crush on someone very few people would tell their crush they love them. You should take his word for it. It is good that he is himself able to detect his own instability and act responsibly. I think he means only good with this. Personally I think there is probably much more sad stuff going on in his life than just his parent's divorce. People respond differently. It's impossible to say how this break up affected him but I don't think your assessment about it not being a big deal for him is true. Well, the sad news is that probably the best course of action for you is to move on. This guy is not mentally and emotionally well which sadly prevents him from having a meaningful relationship. However, I do think that he genuinely has warm feelings towards you and you should not assume that he is being nice to you just out of guilt. I can't say what you should do. If you don't feel too bad about hanging out with him you can do it but I think it's probably the best if you let him make the initiative at first just to make sure he is not doing it just to make you feel better. However, personally I think you are probably better off by minimizing your contact to him. You don't have to ignore him but rather take a little distance. It's your first love so it's bound to hurt and getting back to OK is going to take some time.
I'm sorry this happened. Personally, I think he did the responsible thing. It shows that he doesn't want to hurt you and cares.
I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you, I'm sure it was probably a shock when things seemed to be going so well. The thing is, (and this tends to happen with our first relationships), sometimes we get so excited we found someone that we take too many steps way too fast. Saying the I love you and cuddling/sleeping together so soon after just the one date was probably rushing into things a bit. It's not that you have to refrain from feeling these things, but a relationship can be like a fire that burns out all too quickly if you put too much fuel in too fast. Instead, you want it to burn to last, putting in fuel as it needs it, if you know what I mean. But this isn't your fault, and you were just exploring your feelings. I know that I did similar things when I was in high school. For now, I think as others have mentioned, the best thing is to move on. Hang out with your other friends, talk to new people. Try and let him and you both recover and move on. If he does, at some point in the future, feel ready to try again, and you're still available and also willing, then go for it. Just try taking things a little slower next time
I'm sorry to hear that, but it's at least good that he is being honest with you. All I will add is that when you saw him laughing and talking with other friends, that doesn't necessarily mean he wasn't still hurting inside. Some people are good at switching gears emotionally, and it can even help them to take their mind off their pain when they are being social and happy on the surface.
I’m sorry that things don’t seem to be panning out as you’d like them to. You can’t know what his true intentions are without being in his head – which is impossible. To speculate and spend time stuck on “what if” or “why did he” isn’t going to get you anywhere fast. It sounds like he’s going through some rough things at home and just isn’t emotionally present enough to handle a relationship. That’s not your fault at all and to blame yourself for it would be misguided. I would try to move on if I were you. The pain that comes from your very first relationship “not working out” is very real – but everyone experiences that same thing. It’s rare that your first relationship will be “the” relationship. He may at some point, after working on some of the emotionally issues he referenced, come to you wanting to try again. That’s fine. Just don’t waste your days wishing for that to happen and waiting – there’s too much life you’d miss!
