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Friend too touchy?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by aurora26, Jan 27, 2016.

  1. aurora26

    aurora26 Guest

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    Hey, just wondering if I could get some advice... It might not be as serious as the title sounds, but basically I have a best male friend who, since I've come out to, has started being a little too touchy with me. I think he thinks something like this... That I am not interested in guys and so it's not like touching with sexual intention, so I think he sees our relationship like in a brother/sister way, although he has confessed to liking me before. It's nothing that bad. Just prolonged hugs, wrapping arms around me, doesn't really care if he pats me a little too low on the back. That sort of thing... I don't think it's done with any bad intent which makes me feel bad for considering mentioning it. I don't want to make it ultra awkward for him. But it does give me a weird feeling sometimes, because I really am not interested in guys at all. I know that he wouldn't behave that way with his guy friends and I have the same feelings as reactions as I (assume) that most of them would have. And that is, feeling uncomfortable or weirded out because it's not an occasional thing, it's every day.

    I'm not sure... Is there a way to subtly let on that I'm uncomfortable without directly telling him and making it a big deal? Is it a big deal? I just don't like the feeling that it gives me, but I'm pretty sure that there's nothing behind it.

    ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2016 at 01:28 PM ----------

    Oh, I should also add that he puts his head on my shoulder whenever we're watching movies, or like guides me when we're out in public like we're a couple or something. Reading over I think I'm over-reacting a little but combined it all just feels a bit weird...
     
  2. larkcarmen

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    Whenever he does it, look at him and say, "No." Blunt, but it gets the point across.
     
  3. DougTheBicycle

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    If anyone, anyone touches you in a way, sexual or not, that you aren't comfortable with, it is ever an overreaction to tell them to stop. It's not about his intention, or what it may or may not be. It's about you, not being okay with what's happening.

    So, either sit him down and let him know exactly how you feel about what he's been doing, or wait until he tries to do it again and just tell him you don't like what he's doing, and that he needs to stop.

    If you tell him to stop, and he doesn't, he doesn't deserve your friendship. No one should ever feel uncomfortable around a friend.

    You're not overreacting, not at all. What he's doing is making you uncomfortable, and you want him to stop. This is the most reasonable thing I've heard all day, honestly. Stay strong, stick to your guns. You have the right to be comfortable at all times.
     
  4. sapphiregirl

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    Hey, it sounds like a pretty awkward situation for you there. If you're not comfortable with the way he is touching you, then you have every right to say something to him. It may be a little awkward telling him, but it needs to be done because it's likely to continue if you let it. Everyone has boundaries and he is breaking past those boundaries of yours.

    If you have come out to him and he knows you're not into guys, then perhaps he thinks it won't bother you at all if he touches/hugs you. Maybe next time it happens you could say it in a joking-kind of way. Something like, "man, lay off the touching!" or "hey, don't you know I'm into girls!" (with a laugh of course). He might laugh along too, but it might make him think a bit.

    Good luck! I completely understand feeling kind of awkward around guys.
     
  5. Distant Echo

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    He may think he's being supportive so don't be too hard on him.
     
  6. Cort

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    The very fact that you’re evening considering that he’s being too physical is evidence enough that he is.

    I would echo some of what others have said. Even though it will be awkward, the best thing you can do is just be blunt and honest about it. He likely doesn’t know that it’s bothering you. He can’t read minds, so you need to verbalize the issue.

    Since he has boundary issues, you’re going to have to show him where the boundary is.

    It’s as simple as saying: “Please don’t do that.”
     
  7. ImHappy247

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    Ok. I'm going to give a different answer here cause I've been that guy. I had a friend during my last years of school that eventually came out to me as homosexual and I came out to her as bisexual and we got pretty close. And idk she was a girl and she knew I was not interested in her and that I knew nothing was going to happen and I HONESTLY didnt think of her as more than a friend but I've always wanted to have that kind of friend that you just feel good with you know? That you feel like you can hug them and it'll be fine. Like I can't do it with guys cause it would be ''too gay'' or ''awkward'' (I had a gay friend back then and we NEVER hugged cause he didn't like it) and I can't do it with girls cause they'll think I wanna get into their pants. SO now that I think about it the fact that she was lesbian wasnt that important its just the fact that I felt close to her in a sister/brother way. Either way she told me she didnt like it and yeah I stopped of course, no more hugs no more kisses on the cheek and no more touchy stuff but I'll admit I felt really bad and sad about it and eventually we grew apart.

    Don't get me wrong. You're perfectly entitled to tell him that you don't like it and that he should stop but... I dont know. Do it nicely? Maybe he's just trying to have a little bit of love in his life and he's tired of hugging his pillow and and and I dont know :bang:. Maybe he's just trying to be nice and sweet in a brotherly entirely non sexual way and you should let him know that you appreciate him (if you do) and that it just makes you uncomfortable and that you're sorry (if you are).

    Just tell him, if it really bothers you. I'm sorry I just had to get this out of my chest I guess. Im sorry that I did it in your thread. Peace~ Love~ Don't worry too much about it~
     
  8. aurora26

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    Thank you for all your replies :slight_smile: I took all of them into consideration, and tried to think about it from his point of view and not just my own. I trust this friend a lot and even though it was making me uncomfortable I was sure he didn't mean it in a sexual way, I just didn't really know what to do or understand it. ImHappy247, your story was what I was afraid of - that I would push him away when our friendship is more like brother/sister than anything else. He also does support me, and one of the few people that I'm out to. I think what scared me was because I had a past experience before where a best male friend overstepped (...although it wasn't innocent over-stepping) and I no longer talk to him anymore.

    I decided to pull back or away a bit and see if my friend picked up on it when he went to put his arm on me or something, which I think he did. He's fairly perceptive, which I appreciate. If it does change, which I don't think it will, I'll definitely consider talking to him.

    All of your responses are really appreciated, they all helped <3

    Thank you~~