I had a real fucked up night. I didn't black out again like I mentioned two weeks back let me explain. I've mentioned about some "crush" of sorts I had towards a guy near my age. It's not that guy Travis I mentioned about. The "crush" I have somewhat is towards this guy who's 25, White, preppy/upper class, youngish looking appearance, short haired. He reminds me of a guy I knew in my past(AM) that was super rich and blonde, youngish looking and I felt accepted by him at that that time in my life. So I've felt somewhat of an attachment or preference towards youngish looking, rich/preppy White college aged guys. I felt that's overlapped with the attachment towards close male friends somewhat. Anyway, back to my story. Yeah, I had been trying to contact my buddy up to hang out last night. We do which is a pretty late. We are at his posh place near my apartment. We had a couple of beers and playing some Xbox games. We did talk shit somewhat but it wasn't anything personal just shit talking with the game. Anyway, we somewhat call it a night when my buddy's friend splits to go to his place. I stay back and chill a bit with my friend. He made some claim that his friend had said something about me. I mean he said something I did something wrong which I despute. I mean, that guy split from his place at that point and wasn't hear to defend himself. And that guy himself, did not tell me I didn't do anything wrong. Then 20 minutes later, he claims that it was alright with him. But he brings that shit up again a bit later. So he contradicts and repeats shit in a cluster fuck for me. We chill a bit somewhat. We were a bit buzzed by this point. I had some brilliant idea(well it's not brilliant looking back) that we have a fun grappling match. I used to do this a while back with my bros Robby and Travis a year back. Robby is an amateur BJJ fighter and somewhat taught me a few BJJ moves and such. So I was used somewhat of arm bars, guard, and a rear naked choke. So anyway, me and my friend have a few grappling matches. I wasn't trying to kick his ass or fight him, it was just supposed to fun maybe it went a little too far. My buddy kicked my ass a bit and made me tap which I did a few times. Though, I felt we were a little more physical in BJJ than I expected. Then we have some shit over some stuff he brings up again that I dispute like the stuff his friend said about me I did. He said earlier everything was cool but he said at this point it's not. So it's confusing as fuck for me. I'm keeping my cool and not wanting to start shit, well I did. He just told me "to get the fuck out" which I did and went back to my place at around 530am I tried to contact him and try to see if he and I can talk it over. I knew the shit from last time we worked it out and got past it. He said "shit happens...I've done worse." It's hard to say, if he's cool with me or not right now despite the shit from last night I did which I did. I dispute things he had brought up I did when he told me at 5am. I didn't shit talk him personally, it was with the game and he had called us "fuck boys" several time so he's no angel. And some other things his friend claimed I did which I called bullshit on. His friend wasn't there to explain shit, so I cannot put him under the bus. I did try to reach out to him a few times today through text but he hasn't responded which leads me to a few theories: 1. He's super hungover(he did drink more than me that night). 2. He's super hungover and pissed off at me still from the night. I feel somewhat of depression over the night. Why? I feel some attraction/attachment to this guy it's hard to explain. I mean I find somewhat of the guy of my dreams who accepts me and fulfills my fantasy . I mean the fantasy of the "Good life" aka high class lifestyle as a millennial. And added to the mix, I feel like I have feelings for him still despite all this shit. I mean, I know he's not gay. He's been with girls but I get some slight bi vibe from him. I mean he is so welcoming me that last time we hanged out. Adamant so much for me to hang out and to take me out to get drinks and paying for drinks, and drives a Maserati Grand Turismo. I felt like I was being showered with gifts and affection by him. He and I never had sex but I get somewhat of a slight sexual tension vibe between us. He's said "I like you" a few times in passing but it's hard to say if he has feelings for me or not like I do. It's such a complicated mess. I mean I love someone despite bullshit we go through. It's hard to hate and love someone though.
There is an update. My friend and I apologized to each other and agreed we both fucked up. He's not mad at me and the same with me. We just agreed we cannot drink together anymore. At least we can reach some agreement and not just burn any relationship
For a guy who uses so many words you are amazingly sparing with details. Basically, you said you had a drunken row with your friend which got physical during BJJ match and after that he threw you out. That doesn't really say anything. What was the BS he told your friend accused you?
My friend Edmond(my "new crush") was just as intoxicated as me somewhat. I didn't call him nor did I say I was going to kick his ass. It was just some improntu BJJ match. Yeah it wasn't a good idea. I didn't know it was going to get a little physical. He and I had some bullshit from the night and yeah he did tell me to leave his place. I was somewhat licking my wounds from that night yesterday. He did text me up yesterday and said he felt back was sorry and appologize. I did the same thing. He considered the BJJ grappling as "drunk horseplay." The stuff with his other friend, I think he was exaggerating that shit. We are on good terms, we just admitted we can't drink together because shit always hits the fan somewhat. I mean we are on good terms.
