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TIFU by taking BF on a date, ruining both our relation & his with his parents.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by gayman99, Feb 1, 2016.

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  1. gayman99

    gayman99
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    TIFU by taking BF on a date, ruining both our relationship & his with his parents.

    Backstory: So, for the 5-6 months, I've been dating this guy from my HS. We liked each other and really hit it off well. All of our friends thought we were great, if not a little grossed out when the thought of any... (nonexistent) extracurricular activities crossed their mind (shame on their dirty minds). Unfortunately, his parents are devout Catholics and vehemently despise him for his sexuality. As such, they would not have approved in the slightest of his relationship with another guy (a.k.a. me), so he never told them we were together.

    Fast forward to this weekend: It had been a little while since we'd had a chance to actually out somewhere, so I thought I'd treat him to a movie and some ice cream (not dinner though, we wouldn't have time and I can't afford that). We made plans to go Saturday night, and all was right with the world...

    ...until 20 minutes before the movie, when we were supposed to met at the theater. I'm walking through the parking lot when I get a text along the lines of "I can't go. Sorry, can't talk now." followed up by "It would be best if you didn't respond." A few hours later I texted him asking if everything was alright and never received a response. Our mutual best friend texted him under the guise of homework help and received no response, either.*Cue a weekend full of anxiety and confusion*

    And now today: I didn't get a chance to find out what happened this morning before classes started because he arrived late, so I had to wait to meet him after school before hearing about the story. Long story short, his parents got suspicious when he made plans to go out and did a little digging. They found out he was with a guy and absolutely lost it (and that's putting it mildly).

    So now our date night was ruined, he's grounded until Hell freezes over and no longer has any form of communication with the outside world, I just lost my BF of 6 months (and hopeful date to the Sadie Hawkins dance), and his relationship with his parents is nearly nonexistent (and he doesn't want to risk it any further by staying together).

    TL;DR: I tried to be romantic and treat my BF to ice cream and a movie, and instead wound up tipping his extremely homophobic parents off to our relationship, landing him on death row, and ruining both our relationship and his relationship with his parents. FML.
     
    #1 gayman99, Feb 1, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2016
  2. Gamer4now

    Gamer4now
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    *smh* this really is saddening to hear this. I wish you both well, love always finds a way. But seriously people like this (his parents) really gets on my nerves. Like do they not want anyone to be happy? Keep us updated.
     
    #2 Gamer4now, Feb 1, 2016
  3. bookreader

    bookreader
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    Damn. Parents will never learn how they affect their children. I would suggest leaving him alone for now.
     
    #3 bookreader, Feb 1, 2016
  4. pestjohnbuda

    pestjohnbuda
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    At first, I want to wish you all the best. It is really hard to hear you have to go through this, and I can imagine it not being easy. I hope that his parents are going through an initial shock, and that they will see that their son's luck should be their wish. As others said above me, maybe give it some time, as it is not easy for anyone in this situation. You will get through this, hopefully together with your boyfriend :grin:
     
    #4 pestjohnbuda, Feb 3, 2016
  5. whatdoIneed

    whatdoIneed
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    Understand this is NOT your fault. Nothing you did was something that you should have known would cause a problem. It still stinks and is hard for you but maybe give it some time. The ironic thing is the Pope preaches acceptance of gays- if they are strict Catholics they are supposed to accept what he says.
     
    #5 whatdoIneed, Feb 6, 2016
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    First, I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. It's grossly unfair and wrong for him and for you.

    That said, I agree with the previous poster. You did *nothing* wrong. In fact, plenty of people go to movies and ice cream with *friends* who are simply friends and nothing more. And what you were doing would be perfectly normal if you were a girl instead of a guy. So don't blame yourself.

    His parents are asshats. That's on them, not on you. And of course... they can ground him until he's 21, but that won't make him straight, and eventually they'll figure that out.

    You might, if you see him in school, suggest that he talk to his school counselor and explain the situation. If the counselor is any good, s/he will help the parents understand that what they're doing isn't reasonable and arguably is grounds for CPS to intervene. Often, dumbass parents simply need some external encouragement from a perceived authority figure to get their heads out of their asses. There are no guarantees, but it might be worth a try.
     
    #6 Chip, Feb 7, 2016
  7. Aspen

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    (*hug*) from a fellow Michigander. I'm so sorry that this happened to both of you. It is horribly wrong and devastating of his parents to do this, although coming from a Catholic family I know they won't see it that way.

    You definitely didn't do anything wrong. You asked your boyfriend on an innocent date and he said yes. It was a perfectly normal thing to do and, like Chip said, something that you two could easily have been doing as friends. You did not ruin his relationship with his parents. He did not ruin his relationship with his parents. His parents ruined their relationship with their son.

    I agree with Chip's suggestion of urging him to talk to your school counselor (if they're good, that is). At the very least, he could use the extra support.
     
    #7 Aspen, Feb 7, 2016
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