I am a gay male while my partner's pansexual. He is the absolute man of my dreams, he understands and loves me so unconditionally and we share a happy relationship together. However, whenever he shares his desires and fantasies with me of things that goes beyond what I have the capacity to do for him, I feel heartache. I feel like I cannot fully "inhabit his heart," and that these attractions are closed-off areas which I can never truly reach nor satisfy. Whenever we are intimate, I cannot help but to mull over these thoughts, and it makes me feel distant and sad. He asks me what's wrong, but I am reluctant to share with him my jealousy. The last thing I want is for him to feel bad about his own sexuality. Am I prejudiced to think this way? I understand pansexual individuals have a hard time in society and the last thing I want to do is to perpetuate any more prejudice towards them. I just cannot help but to feel like I cannot be everything for him. I'd like to know if anyone else ever felt this way.
I've never dated another biexual or pansexual person, but I do identify as pansexual myself and can say the whole point of being pansexual is loving all types of people with of course exceptions based on preferences and tastes. Sometimes people can feel overwhelmed or insecure by this because they feel their pansexual person could grow bored of one gender and move on because you can't satisfy all their needs. When someone feels like this, I like to tell them that if you think about it, you shouldn't be insecure, you should feel on top of the world that this amazing, lovely person who could honestly date ANYBODY in the world regardless of gender and even some sexualities, they chose you. Your man chose you. He's with you. He wants you, romantically and sexually. Don't worry about not being able to meet all his fantasies. There are too many couples without a pansexual partner that still feel like they can't be all that their partner needs and wants, so this is normal in a relationship. If it's really bothering you, the best part of any relationship is communication. If you approach it respectfully, he should understand. Just keep in mind that in the end, being with him, means you're his main desire and you're already inhabiting his heart.
^ What H20 said. My girlfriend is pansexual. Everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, has preferences and fantasies. Some of them might be met and some of them might not. It doesn't mean that they're missing out on anything. I don't think it's prejudice; I think it's a natural emotion. Talk to him about it. Explain that when he shares desires with you that you can't fulfill, it makes you worry that you're not enough.
I really appreciate both of your kind advice. What you guys wrote was exactly what I needed to hear. I felt bad then, but it gave me new insight on things. Just an update: I talked with him about these worries, and he was incredibly understanding about it. We had several discussions after that and each time he just kept reminding me that his love for me is stronger than anything else he might desire. I feel really silly for feeling the way I did :icon_redf
I believe any healthy relationship has insecurities and ups and downs. It's important to worry that the other loves us because if you aren't worrying at least a little bit now and then, you might not care enough to wonder what's going on between you. You get what I'm saying? I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right. Either way, I'm super glad to hear things have worked out.
