I thought I was bi, but the results are in and I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm fairly certain I'm just a lesbian. Or with very little interest in men. I've been in my current relationship (with a man) for almost 5 years. We live together and he helps to support me. I've had a really difficult time finding work in the area we live in after I graduated and I have been struggling financially. I need to come out to him. Unfortunately, my self revelation came the day before his birthday. So I waited. It's now the day after his birthday and I'm faced with the dilemma of what to do. I'm not really questioning what to say. But I don't know how to be (financially) out on my own at this point. I need to speak with my close friends and figure out a plan, because although he is a wonderful person, I wouldn't expect him to want to continue living with me. I'm considering moving back in with my parents if need be, but that's a drive across the country that I'm not ready for. But how do I even prepare for that, when he doesn't know about any of this? I feel like I'm taking advantage of him. I feel like I'm just biding my time until I don't have to lean on him anymore, that isn't what I want at all. But I don't know if I can approach him about this without a solid plan of where to go and what to do. I love him very much, but not in the way that I should. Not in the way that he deserves to be loved. This is going to hurt him and I really wish I didn't feel the way I do. I'm the type of person to rip the band-aid off, so I'm anxious to just talk to him about it. But I'm so scared of the consequences.
PLEASE learn from my mistake & figure out a plan of where you will be going & how you're going to make ends meet before you have the conversation with him- and then leave as soon as you do. I know it feels kinda sneaky and underhanded but it'll make things so much easier on you both! I left my ex before having things figured out and ended up homeless. And I'm STILL dealing with the financial (& emotional) repercussions of my choice. I was in a very similar situation to yours- we had been together for over 5 years; all of our finances were merged & had been for some time. My ex basically effed me over financially. Like I walked away with nothing & was living out of my car, despite the fact that I actually earned MORE than him. (He was a trust fund kid.) I NEVER would've imagined him treating me that way after everything we'd been through together. And I ended up doing some things I'm seriously not proud of to get me out of my financial hole. Also, know that he'll get over you sooner the faster you get him out of your life. Sticking around after delivering the blow will just give him false hope. Add that to you feeling scared & vulnerable & wanting comfort & it will probably just lead to confusing the both of you. So please get that plan in place for HIS sake, even if you're not willing to do it for yourself.
I can't imagine a better advice than the one given above by mapleluv. I just wanted to also say that you shouldn't feel so guilty about this situation. It's great that you are discovering yourself and sometimes thing just aren't meant to be, and it's no one's fault. Good luck!
