Hello everyone, I am currently in an immense struggle. I have created an online profile that has had great success but i keep not finding the guys i am looking for. I am masculine myself and i am interested in masculine acting gay men whose interests and mindset relate to my own. Recently i have turned down several effiminante gay men and even avoided a goodbye kiss twice with the two different effiminate men i went on a first date with as i am just not attracted to them and are not at all my style. They were heartbroken as they loved the date and were expecting... what can i do? What would you do? Cant find masculine men online... how can you make sure they are masculine acting before yhe first date? Tired of making people feel like crap. I also dont publicily advertise my sexual orientation due to my professional life. Thanks in advance
If I can't find guys online, then I would try the real world. If they are masculine, then they usually don't have a high pitched voice or lisp (sorry if this offends anyone).
Depending on how the online sites your on work you could try to put what you're looking for on them like looking for a masculine man....or you could try meeting people around you if that's an option...in most big cities there are usually different gay groups that get together or even LGBT centers then that way you can get to know them as a friend before going on a date or pursuing anything with them
Call them on the phone before the first date to talk really quick. If they sound too effeminate then cancel the date.
You could try not judging people based on how "feminine" they appear and maybe getting to know them before turning them down. Just a suggestion that might help...
It is not about judging anyone. I actually give people plenty of chances to both know me and me knowing them. The last date lasted a couple of hours and it was a jolly company. However it is not at all what I am looking for or feel attracted too in a a relationship... Claiming that I am not giving a chance is just as saying we are not giving a chance to all the women out there lol Just not what we are looking for...
How about putting into your profile that you are looking for masculine men? Framing it this way sounds much nicer than saying no to effeminate men.
Yes, it would help if you were more direct about what you want before meeting, but I think robclem21 brings up a good point: you could be getting too picky if you judge based on masculinity/femininity. And yes, you are judging them. Every gay guy is going to meet some of the stereotypes at some point, but that doesn't make them any better or worse. As you said, you "don't publicly advertise" your orientation, but what happens if you meet a great guy? Are you going to keep your relationship a secret? Sometimes the most stereotypical guys are also the bravest because they are willing to live their lives as they want regardless of the homophobia around them.
