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My Mom is Pregnant Update

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bookreader, Feb 7, 2016.

  1. bookreader

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    I decided to give an update. She was pregnant, but, she started getting sick and I'm pretty sure it was because of the baby. She ended up going to the hospital and had surgery which was successfully. Unfortunately, the baby died. I ended up staying with my dad for the rest of the school year. So, yeah.
     
  2. CharacterStudy

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    How are you feeling about all this? Is she answering your questions about the baby and illness? Sorry, you seem a little confused so I thought I'd better check.
     
  3. bookreader

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    I should clarify, she doesn't know what I know. She thinks that only her, my oldest sister, and my dad only knows about it.
     
  4. R M

    R M
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    I'm so sorry to hear this. How are you doing? I'm here if you wanna talk, you know.
     
  5. CharacterStudy

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    I'm sorry she hasn't spoken to you about the pregnancy. Sometimes mothers forget how grown up their kids can be, and may also feel awkward talking 'women's stuff' to their sons. Maybe it's time to tell her.

    Losing a baby is an incredibly painful experience (emotionally as well as physically). I'm not sure it's really possible to talk about it without tears. And even among adults it is often not talked about, so don't feel excluded. Or sometimes a pregnancy can make a mother so sick that an abortion is advised. This is terribly painful for the mother (and family) and obviously very hard to talk about (especially in some communities).

    I'm not trying to diagnose your mother, I just want to give you a mother's perspective to help you understand why you have not been told everything. Losing a baby, in a lot of communities, is something that is only spoken about between partners, and with very close female friends (obviously the medical details are rather unpleasant and gynaecological). That's not always very healthy of course, it's better to talk, at least in general, about what happened.

    It's not your fault. She is possibly trying to protect you, or thinks as a teenage boy you didn't notice any of this.

    If feel you want to have a conversation with your mother about this, it might be an idea to first google 'what not to say after a miscarriage/stillbirth', because it is very easy to say the wrong thing, even when you are trying to be supportive (just like people sometimes say the wrong thing when someone comes out, even if they mean well).

    Personally I think it might be an idea to raise it, if you want to, just so you're all on the same page. Expect tears. Expect sadness. Show her you are sorry.

    Also tell me to butt out.
     
  6. bookreader

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    Honestly, she hasn't shown signs that she's hurting at all. She has also changed after being out of the hospital. I mean, the first time I saw her in there, she looked weak and I cried. I'm almost close to crying because of that. It was like I couldn't do anything.
     
  7. FalconBlueSky00

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    Just give her a hug and tell her you love her. Tell her if she needs anything you will be there. I lost my first pregnancy this summer. It's a very isolating experience because it's so hard to talk about. Just being with her when she needs you, and letting her know that you are there for her is one of the best things you can do to help her.
     
    #7 FalconBlueSky00, Feb 9, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2016
  8. bookreader

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    Thanks for the advice everyone.
     
  9. LizSibling13

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    Book reader, sorry about what happened. My mom had twins 8 months ago and I change their diapers. I can't wait till I'm a mommy.:slight_smile: