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In love with best friend and mixed signals

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Millz, Feb 8, 2016.

  1. Millz

    Regular Member

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    Hey everyone,

    I am new here and something has been bothering me for a while and I can't wrap my head around it, maybe some of you have some advice? (it's a long read sorry for that)

    I am currently 20 years old, a student in the Netherlands and I've fallen madly deeply in love with my best friend, who I shall call K.

    K and I met a year ago and became best friends over night (literally). From avoiding me at the party that was going on at my place because I was gay, to taking XTC for the first time just with me and both telling eachother our life stories. ever since we have talk every single day and hang out 2 to 3 times a week. Half a year ago I told him I was in love with him, but that I would not let it interfere with our friendship: he says he is straight. He was hapy I told him that and we became even closer after that moment.

    But I have been getting so many mixed signals from K that I am rather confused. We always hug when we see eachother. every time we lock eyes there is a huge grin on his face (mine too obviously), and we lock eyes A LOT. Moreover, there is always some kind of tension; we've cuddled, he has held my hands, walked me home and through all those occasions some weird eye contact and strange body language occured.

    Apart from the fact that K likes to scream out loud how straight he is; making homophobic remarks on a continuous basis and actively distances himself with anything that can be related to being gay. He never had a relationship with a woman, but he has slept with many, but only had sex with one.

    Lately, K keeps insulting me, underlining my shortcomings repeatedly. He has also become more distant and avoids being alone with me. Two weeks ago we had a serious conversation and both came to the conclusion that we keep on hurting eachother (my part in this is that I have made some stupid mistakes and got kicked out of college), yet love one another too much for either of us to handle; even if we don't know why we love eachother. I ended up seeing him cry his heart out over this, and mind you he tends to never show any kind of emotion.

    He told me he was too drunk to remember anything of our conversation and he has been evading me more and more.

    I don't know what to do with my feelings. I have been trying to put them away, locked deep inside my heart because he is straight, but some of the above are telltale signs to me he could be bi or gay; which messes up my mind greatly as I cannot move on.

    Again sorry for the long read, hope anyone has some advice!:kiss:
     
  2. Euler

    Regular Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about your problems with your friend.

    No one except him can tell is he what he claims he is. The thing is that none of those signals are ambiguous. I could come up a couple of reasons why a straight guy might be acting that way. Since you have feelings for him you have internal bias to interpret the signals so that he is closet case. He might be but probably is not. He sounds like a person with deep emotional issues and those issues would explain all the things you described.

    What you can do? Well, not much. You could try directly addressing the fact that he has been taking distance and insulting you. Ask him in non-confrontational way is he doing it. Tell him that you don't mind him taking space but it would be nice to hear if he is having a problem with you.