1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I do not know what to do, I am desperate

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by KyrilosC, Feb 8, 2016.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. KyrilosC

    KyrilosC
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello guys,

    So this is my first post but for me it is really important to get a few responses.

    So I am gay, I remember being gay ever since. 4 years ago I met this guy which I did not see romantically at all and we instantly became best friends. We were always having so much fun together and we had so much in common. I never told him about my sexuality though because I was scared of not losing him. I kept pretending to be straight because I also thought he was straight from the stories he was telling me. Either way, after around 1-2 years for some reason that I cannot explain I fell in love with him. Like really in love with him... We both had to go for studies eventually in different places and I used to miss him so much. We kept and we still keep daily contact though and I visit him sometimes and we see each other during summer.

    The thing is though, that a few weeks ago I accidentally found out that he was also gay. We had a big chat and he also told me the stories he was telling me were fake. From that moment, everything turned to my advantage, because since he was gay and I loved him so much, maybe we could move on to another type of relationship. I did tell him that I am in love with him for the last 2 years. However he told me that im not his type :frowning2: And that just ruined all my chances.

    A week after I visited him (and I am still here with him currently for holidays). We did discuss in person about all these and he told me again that he is not interested. But I feel like that without kissing or trying something, he cannot clearly see! What do I do? Do i just kiss him and probably ruin our relationship? Do I contain myself from doing anything stupid and just keep the best friend relationship? I am so confused :frowning2:
     
    #1 KyrilosC, Feb 8, 2016
  2. Lin1

    Lin1
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well in my opinion, he has been upfront with you about the way he feels toward you.
    It sucks that he doesn't share your feelings but kissing him would only set yourself for rejection AND losing your friendship with him. Is it really worth it ?

    I personally would not kiss him. There is other ways to show him how great of a boyfriend you could be without ruining your friendship or/and making him uncomfortable.

    Good luck though ! :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Lin1, Feb 8, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2016
  3. KyrilosC

    KyrilosC
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Not sure if that would lead to rejection though. I mean most likely it would, but I am thinking it would be worth the try... since he also told me he is kind of desperate. I am just trying to find reasons to just kiss him and I over think the situation...
     
    #3 KyrilosC, Feb 8, 2016
  4. Void Puppy

    Void Puppy
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    I think that if giving him a kiss is worth throwing away your whole relationship with him, maybe you're not as in love as you thought. Choosing between an unwanted kiss and someone you care about shouldn't be so much of a question.

    He said he's not interested, and forcing a kiss on him won't change his mind.
     
    #4 Void Puppy, Feb 8, 2016
  5. Exotica

    Exotica
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somerset, England
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I wouldn't force a kiss >.< it sucks he doesn't like you, it really sucks. But sometimes they don't. It hurts when you think someone is straight for so long and then suddenly you find out they're gay, you're so happy you think that you really do have a chance, but just with hetero relationships sometimes they just DON'T like you, even if they're gay, and there is nothing you can do.

    Honestly you don't deserve this, to like someone for so long and them not to like you back, but you need to move on, it's the only way , it's hard, but best to let it fade away...
     
    #5 Exotica, Feb 8, 2016
  6. Euler

    Euler
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    He told you that he is not interested in you - TWICE. What on earth makes you think he changes his mind if you totally disrespect him by force-kissing him?

    This whole kissing idea sounds really obsessive and unhealthy. How would you feel if some girl tried to kiss you with the same logic that how can you think clearly if you haven't kissed her first - or had sex with her first?
     
    #6 Euler, Feb 8, 2016
  7. Lin1

    Lin1
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    I actually think you are not thinking 'straight' enough.

    Ask yourself one simple thing: if some guy that isn't your type and in whom you have ABSOLUTELY NO interest kisses you (after having told him twice ( ! ) that you weren't interested) , would that really make you change your mind and want to date him ? Or would that freak you out and would make you want to cut off contact with him as he obviously doesn't get it ? I am thinking the second option.

    I would HATE to be kissed by someone I had told repeatedly that I had NO interest in and it would actually really piss me off, and I have no doubt that he'll feel the same. I go by the saying though that you shouldn't do something to someone that you wouldn't like being done to yourself so yeah, think about it again and hopefully you'll realize that kissing him would be silly and not worth the consequences at all.

    Good luck again.
     
    #7 Lin1, Feb 8, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2016
  8. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Unfortunately, being gay is like the lowest bar to a potential relationship. Just look at all the heterosexual people out there: you don't see a man attracted to every woman or vice versa. And, as others said, you could ruin your friendship if you keep trying to push for more. If he's desperate, then he may later go with someone he likes more, which would hurt even worse.
     
    #8 resu, Feb 8, 2016
  9. KyrilosC

    KyrilosC
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks for all the replies people. I appreciate your opinions and you are all right. I was not thinking straight. However, here is an unexpected update.

    I did not kiss him as u all said because u were right. However, for some weird reason, he told me to join him in bed and everything that I wished for just happened there. And to be honest, more than what I expected. He told me though not to get any wrong signals and that he did it to 'help me out'.

    I guess best friends actually exist? haha
     
    #9 KyrilosC, Feb 9, 2016
  10. Euler

    Euler
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Not sure if this was a good thing but time will tell.
     
    #10 Euler, Feb 9, 2016
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)