1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

24 y/o male with feelings for his best male friend seeking advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by schatz311, Feb 9, 2016.

?

What Should I Do?

  1. Tell Him

    3 vote(s)
    37.5%

  2. Don't Tell Him

    5 vote(s)
    62.5%
Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. schatz311

    schatz311
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2016
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York, NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hey Ya'll

    So I've had a lot of confusion lately with my best friend Alex, we have been best friends for a couple years now, and I know now that I definitely have feelings for him. He has a new girlfriend, and he knows I might be gay, but has no idea that he's the reason for my orientation confusion.

    He has a girlfriend now, so I really haven't seen him as much. It's definitely been tough. When I do see him, his girlfriend is usually there showing insane amounts of PDA (although he's against PDA), and he's giving her the attention that he never gave to me (not physically, but emotionally)

    Either way, I have pretty much just confirmed with myself that I have feelings for him, but I'm very open with him, and tell him everything, as well as him with me. It's a friendship I value very much because he's always there for me, but it's a friendship that will stress me out as long as I am a part of it. If I tell him, I would probably have to set him free and never see him again, but that would also set me free in the long term to find someone who shares feelings (although short term would be disastrous).

    So what do you think? Tell him or not?
     
    #1 schatz311, Feb 9, 2016
  2. europeanguy

    europeanguy
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2015
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Family only
    VERY complicated there, id say test the waters first before deciding, see what his opinions on LGBT issues are (pertaining to gay men in particular for this test) without revealing yourself (sexuality wise not clothes wise before anyone miss-reads that!) I had a pretty similar experience myself about 2 years ago (ish), my best friend who i had been best friends with since primary school got a girlfriend and for some reason (i didnt really know what was going on at the time) i was kind of hurt by it, not because he stopped talking to me as much (cut down talking to me by like 3/4 of the time he usually spent doing that ). it turns out from knowledge i have now that i was actually attracted to him. It hurt and we stopped being friends ever since he completely forgot about me because of his girlfriend. Id say test the waters and also imagine what it would be like (like a story in your head) if you did tell him, imagine not being friends with him, how do you feel about it?
     
    #2 europeanguy, Feb 9, 2016
  3. Euler

    Euler
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    If you comprehend the fact that he is not interested in you what is the goal of telling him about your feelings? Would you be able to live with it if he basically never wants to see you again - or worse - says it's OK and then you just slowly drift apart.
     
    #3 Euler, Feb 9, 2016
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)