Okay, so I am going to run a situation by you all, since I no longer know what is right. I am currently in secondary school but I take part in an honours course at a local university where i met people from all around my general area. I haven´t come out to anyone except my best (female) friend on the other side of the planet, thats not my issue though. So, to get to the point, During one of our first ever lectures I met a guy who is extremely hot and cute and also very nice, we met each other in the second part of the course where we, together with 10 others had chosen the law course. We worked together on a project which was all fine. The third part of the whole course (which runs for two years and is nearly completed by now) we just bonded. Now, for the fourth part you needed to choose a partner to do scientific research with. I teamed up with this guy and we wrote an excellent research paper, it got nominated for the research prize of the programme. During this research we became good friends. We talk very regularly and about pretty much anything. We are currently in the last part of the course and a few weeks ago, when we had a break of 30 mins before the next lecture we just casually talked about love and relationships. I didn´t tell him that I fancied him, I kept it very general. We became such good friends that he asked me to his birthday with his family and close friends at the end of March. We also have to present the outcomes of the research at both our schools which we promised to do together. And, we also have the awards ceremony to attend at the middle of April, with the possible chanc of winning. We both consider each other close friends. Here´s the twist. At the end of this school year he will likely be moving to the other side of the atlantic ocean to attend Harvard. He mentioned we really should stay in touch via skype and emails and by playing Civ V against each other. So far only positive. Now here is where I made a possible mistake, So with valentines day coming up I convinced a classmate of his that a fellow honoursstudent fancied him and that she asked me, since I knew him, if I couuld arrange something. So I got the classmate to order a rose for him within their school with a poem I composed on it. She is under the believe that I arranged it for a fellow student where it really is just me. I guess it provides a good enough cover if he ever asks me. I have reason to believe he likes me as well, maybe not as much as I like him but yeah, I mean he is always very kind and genuinely interested as good friends. But he also is very ¨physical¨ he givs a lot of high fives, fist pumps but also touches my shoulder. And when we had the ocnversation about relationships he said: Its not like I have never liked a girl or kissed a girl, just not currently. Which when he spoke it out almost sounded like he was trying to excuse himself? But he did explain how he kissed a girl regularly on parties... At this point I need your advice, the rose has been ordered so there is no way to reverse that but I can deny that so it shouldnt be an issue. My main question is, should i come out to him in the first place and if so, tell him I have a crush on him. I honesly don´t know what decision is wise since I really don´t want to mess up what we have but I also don´t want to have these feelings forever locked up inside so that when he moves to the US I will regret not admitting to him in the first place. Thanks for reading this horrific slab of text, I hope it sort of makes sense...
It seems like the most you could have with him right now is a quick fling or a long distance relationship with no chance of spending time together...how do you feel about either of those possibilities? If you can handle that idea, why not bring a conversation around to what the two of you will be doing with your spare time after the course, and slipping that there are no girls you are interested in, and it is unlikely there will be, into that conversation. See what response you get?
Hey roenmaniac That's a difficult situation to be in. I think that you have to really think about what the possible outcomes of telling him would be. I personally wouldn't say anything about you liking him before the award ceremony (it has the potential to make things awkward, especially if you are working together), or at least if you have more definitive proof that he likes you. I know a lot of straight guys that are very physical. However, if you feel ready and comfortable telling him that you are gay I don't see any reason not to. If he is your friend he'll understand and if you feel that he may not be straight he might feel comfortable enough talking to you about it. I hope that was some help.
I guess I would be fine with a long distance relationship, since we can still stay in touch quite easily and he will be returning to my country on regular basis. I do likethe way you would advice me to bringit up, I haveabsolutely no shame in bringing it up it was mainly how. I guess that would be a good one, as for the awkward sitaution, I was indeed considering waiting till after the ceremony to admit to him about me liking him.
If that's the case, then I don't see why not. I also think inamirrordarkly's suggestion about bringing it up is a good way of doing it.
To me, nothing you told us would indicate he is gay or bi. His behavior is very normal for a friendly straight guy. Having said that his sexual orientation is irrelevant to the decision to tell him about your feelings towards him. However, you should be mentally prepared to his response. He is likely straight and turn you down. However, it's more difficult to say will this negatively affect your friendship. It's far too common that an admission like that means the death of the close friendship. You know your friend to best to assess his reaction.
