WARNING: FEELS NOVEL AHEAD I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG POST So I'll start with the initial problem. I'm a senior in high school and my best friend is a freshman, we've gone to the same church since we were little so we've been around each other forever. That's the background now to current problems. At the beginning of this school year there was two major instances where he seemingly attempted to come out as bisexual. The first was when we were hangout after school before an audition for drama, and he made a joke about being bisexual. It threw me off and I accidentally (beat myself up over it after) just laughed it off and treated it like an actual joke when I THINK he was just trying to judge reactions which I messed up that test majorly. After that on another day (the next day or sometime within the school week) I pulled him out of the drama room and we were standing around a corner with him leaning against the wall, and I asked him about it to see if he was serious when he said the joke and to make sure cuz I didn't want him to feel alone etc. etc. (He's known I'm gay since he got into highschool with us and he's totally fine with it.) After quickly denying it he clearly became uncomfortable and moved off of the wall and started walking around the corner back to the room, not leaving me but clearly trying to move on and go back inside. This was the first instance. The second instance was a lot bigger. I walked into the theatre room one day at lunch, and saw him talking to a good friend of ours. I walked over to them but he stopped talking once I got into earshot. Clearly changing the subject I just ignored it hoping I would find out what was happening later on and we had lunch. The next day I was talking to the friend he was talking to she said that when I had walked over, he had revealed to her that he thought he was bi, but I came over before they could talk about it any further (whyyyyy?? why couldn't I have walked over like 2 minutes later...). After she and I talked about it she decided she wanted to talk to him about it again. When she did this, he quickly took it, said he was wrong about being bi, and shoved the subject under the rug. In the past months since then I've noticed him almost trying to assert HOW STRAIGHT he is. But at the same time things slip out about how hot this actor he's obsessed with or "I'd be gay for him" or random things that really make people question. None-the-less my mother is absolutely SURE he isn't straight. The second problem here lies in this, his mother found out I'm not straight and doesn't want us to be friends. We hangout at school and church but she won't allow us any additional time spent together outside of those considering she can't really stop those form happening without causing a scene. I'm graduating soon and he's still a freshman, and we're really worried about how we're gonna stay close after I graduate since I won't be in school and I won't be going to the highschool ministry at church anymore (at least till hopefully I can be one of the leaders, which I want to anyways.) There-in (partially) also lies the final problem... I have been fighting feelings for him for months. I don't want to have these feelings. It's one of those things where all of my brain is like "NO" but my entire heart is like, "YES." and I don't know what to do. Even if something happened and for whatever reason we started dating now it would be a REALLY bad idea cuz he's a freshman, his parents don't like us even being best friends, and (kinda related to the freshman thing) he's still super immature and does not know how to be in a relationship. Long story short there even if we could date it'd be a VERY bad idea and I know that, I don't want to date him at all. At least not now... but I don't know how to stop these feelings and they're starting to eat me alive and sometimes he does things that make it seem like he might be suppressing similar feelings. This is all just really bad and I don't know what to do... I just want to be his best friend. That's it... Except all these forces are acting against it...
@Xandex I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think that you have handled this quite maturely. I am assuming there has no been other intense confrontations between you and him, besides the one that was mentioned here. And I feel that you already know what is the right thing to do and trying really hard but its really been a struggle for you because your mind is telling you to act otherwise. If he is as you say, haven't reached the emotional maturity to discuss about the things between both of you, it's not likely he will be able to hold a mature conversation and to make a decision for himself and where both of you stand in this situation. These things takes time and experience from his part and it might scare him away if he was suddenly being imposed to deal with it. I sense that he might also feel equally conflicted, if not more, by the situation especially the pressure from his parents. Its a lot to deal with for his age or level of maturity. I would suggest giving him some space and time to think about it for himself. How he wants things to go. Try not to be too serious or put pressure on him when you are spending time with him. Be his friend and just chat, laugh and have fun casually. I feel that he will appreciate that. When he ready emotionally and mentally and wish to talk about it, be that mature senior and try to have that talk calmly and see how it goes. Whatever his decision will be when time comes, be the bigger person to accept it, smile and wish him well. I would also try to not have any expectations from him at his stage. Try to empathize that he is simply not emotionally mature to have that conversation or make any moves yet. That he might feel alone, be scared and anxious going through this whole thing. No matter how he reacts or how poorly he handles the situation, be the bigger person and just be his friend. Spend that time that he is "allowed" to be with you having fun and great conversations. Spend your time doing something else, hanging out with other people when he is not around. I feel that its important that if you can learn to do things without him. Try to cultivate your mind in such a way that you can recognize the urge, each time you feel like confronting him, and just let it be. Let it fill your entire body but don't act on it. Convince your mind that nothing will happen to you and you will still live tomorrow if you don't act on it. Minds tend to like spewing out interesting and exaggerate stories to us and making us feel anxious about it all the time. Try to sense this and train your mind to not believe the stories your mind tells you. It won't be easy but with time, you will be able to master it. Keep training that mind. Try to also see this as a learning experience for you to handle a relationship. So that you will know how to handle it again if it happens in the future. Life is always a learning experience. And its meant to make us stronger and wiser each time we are faced with an obstacle. Try to see and learn this lesson and come out of it gracefully. Wherever the future will lead the both of you, accept this gracefully as well. The rest will be history. I hope this helps Ben
No parent can tell Their children who not to spend time with. To Heck with his parents, keep spending time with him, maintain contact Nd messaging or whatever. Don't pressure him to come out, give him time.
You should still continue hanging out with him. His parents can't be there when you guys are in school.
