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What do I do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by frxstrating, Feb 10, 2016.

  1. frxstrating

    Regular Member

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    Hello!

    I don't really use this account/am very inactive on this forum, but whether this be a last resort or not, Empty Closets has really helped me. But, whatever.

    So my boyfriend of six months is exactly what I was looking for. Not quite exactly, but he was pretty high up there. I love him to death and I hope we remain together for a long time, but his attitude towards me can be really bitter sometimes. I never know what to do in the situation except for call him out on it, which he denies ever being rude in the first place. Not only that, but I'm usually the first one to apologize. It gets old really fast.

    Besides that, my problem is that I don't want to leave him. I know his good side because I've seen it. I can ensure that he is a loving, playful person but a lot of the time he gets very rude for no reason. I keep my calm, and don't fight fire with fire, but I'm getting to that point of firing off every insult I can think of. Will that help? I think it would make me feel
    better in the moment, honestly.

    So what do I do? Do I continue to let him fight me so that I am forced to apologize every outlash he has, or should I put my foot down?

    As a notice of what's going on right now, we just finished text-fighting over some stupid topic. I'm just trying to ignore him right now, but everytime I ignore his texts, he gets angrier. This is really frustrating, and I feel so trapped.

    By the way, this is a long distance relationship, so there is no face-to-face confrontation available as much as I'd like it.

    Thanks much for reading this far. :eusa_clap
     
  2. Ben369

    Ben369 Guest

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    @becausewhynot

    I would say that it is not necessary for anyone to put themselves in a situation where they will constantly be hurt and unhappy. No one deserve to be put through an abusive situation, be it verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically. I sense that the reason you are still holding on to this relationship is because you are still very in love with the good side of your boyfriend. And you believe he might change for the better one day.

    I think its important to communicate. To talk it out with your boyfriend. I would try to have a mature conversation and heart-to-heart talk with him via phone or email. Tell him how he made you feel each time he say or did 'the thing' that was bothering you. Let him know how it makes you feel discouraged or unhappy and its affecting the relationship between both of you. Try to speak to him calmly and objectively without getting defensive and listen to his response. And depending on his response, decide whether its reasonable and will it work for you or not.

    Its important for both of you to agree on the outcome, without either side compromising too much of each other's happiness. I would try to reach an understanding with him. And if its not possible for him to reach a compromise, I would say there is no need to put yourself through the same situation again. Make a decision there and then. Let him know that it serves no purpose for anyone to be in an unhappy relationship.

    If both are able to reach a compromise, then give each other some time and see how it goes. Observe his actions. Are his actions the same as his words? Is he really putting his words to practice? If his actions remain the same its not likely he has changed. And most likely you will be trapped in the same situation which will constantly put you in an unsatisfactory and unhappy position. And by then you can have another conversation with him, let him know what is not working, and it might be better and wiser not to put yourself through the same situation again.

    I hope this helps.

    Ben
     
    #2 Ben369, Feb 11, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2016
  3. Distant Echo

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    Honestly I'd be sending a text saying I'm not arguing about this. Text me when you're in a good mood...
     
  4. frxstrating

    Regular Member

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    Ben,

    Thank you so much for replying! It means the world and more.

    I just wrote about five lengthy paragraphs in response, but as soon as I hit submit, my phone crashed and lost all of it. I guess I just have to summarize.

    Basically, at this point, our relationship is at a standstill. I wanted to try to attempt what you suggested (which was brilliant) but I haven't really talked to him that much after that stupid argument. I texted him first today, just wanting to talk and hoping that he'd forgotten about what we ignorantly argued over. We ended up having an annoying and frustrating conversation. It went like, "Who is this?" (Note: at this point, I had no idea if he was being playful or if he had tried to block me or whatever.) "It's (my name.)" "Don't know him." I knew of course that he knew who I was, but the conversation just kept going back and forth.

    It was clear that he didn't want to talk to me, so I am currently waiting until he is going to normally talk to me. It's annoying how a debate so trivial can really bring somebody down. I'm not texting him at all until he decides to be mature. Is that the right option, though? I want to put my foot down, but I would feel guilty.

    Thank you!

    InAMirrorDarkly,

    I love that. I should use that more.