*Warning Long Post This has been on my mind for a while and I decided to ask for some help since you folks seem really nice. Okay, so I have a friend who we'll call Sarah since I don't want to give away real names. Sarah and I have been friends since last year due to our similar interests and life. However Sarah is prone to getting angry quickly and can get very violent when she does. She usually gets angry with anyone who disagrees with her ideas whether it be from a YouTube comment or a remark from a classmate. She also has a tendency to judge people quickly and say what's on her mind even if it's rude. (She called one of my friends a whore for talking about bras even though it wasn't sexual at all) I know Sarah is a good person, but the way she acts makes people dislike or joke about her. I used to be able to handle her outbursts and try to calm her down, but she has literally been suspended last year for hitting someone with a belt and throwing a another person's desk onto the ground in the middle of class. I thought it would be different this year, but she got suspended again a few months ago for getting into a fight with another girl just for not agreeing with her choice in Halloween movies. Sarah still holds a grudge about it and calls that girl a slut even after I tried to get her to let it go already. I think the worst part is that Sarah says she does not care what people think of her, but I feel she uses that as an excuse to justify her rude behavior. Now here's the thing when I see people I get a feeling, when I see a good friend I get a happy feeling, when I see a jerk I get a annoyed feeling, but lately when I see Sarah instead of wanting to greet her I get a strong panicky feeling telling me to hide as if I ran into a bully. I've been trying to ignore this feeling, but it won't go away and I haven't been in the mood to chat with Sarah and she is starting to suspect I'm ignoring her. I don't know what to do, I still want to be her friends since I know people have flaws but I can't just keep acting like she isn't treating people wrongly. I don't want to get rid of her since that would be a big jerk move and make her never trust anyone again since she considers me her best friend. What do you guys think I should do? Thanks if you read this whole thing too. It means a lot to me, but seriously :help:
A few things came to my mind while reading this. First of all, Sarah seems to have huge issues with her emotional regulation and anger management. Normal healthy people do not get uncontrollable outbursts of anger over a Halloween costume or Youtube comment. Second, you seem to think that you are somehow responsible for whatever she does if you walk away from her. No one is obligated to stay in touch with a person who they don't like and whose behavior is threatening. Now, walking away from her and not saying anything is a bit immature way to approach the issue however, ultimately there is nothing wrong in dropping out people who are bad for us. Sarah may say that she doesn't care what others think of her. Well, if she is telling you the truth it also means that she does not care about you or anyone else for that matter. How old is she? This could be part of overboard teenage angst if she is of the age. What you should do? In my opinion you should tell her how her behavior makes you feel. That you are anxious to meet her because you fear that she might at any time explode to your face. That you are not cool for her mistreating others and being violent. And if she is unable to control herself then ultimately you are going to walk away from her. It's not your duty to remain friends with a person who does not care about your well-being.
Thanks for answering! Yes I do have some extra information about her if helps: Sarah is 15 and the only person she seems to show friendliness besides me is this boy who she has a major crush on and constantly talks about him even if they don't talk outside of class. However she likes to compare him and herself to Senpai and Yandere Chan. (These are characters from a Game called Yandere Simulator. I'll translate: Senpai=Crush, a Yandere=someone so lovesick they will uses violent means to keep others from stealing their crush) I can't tell if she is joking or not when she tells me, "senpai will be mine" In-fact now that I think about it, she writes a lot of stories and most of the characters she does write about tend to go insane at one point. (I try to explain to her that not every insane person goes on a murder spree but she is otherwise unconvinced) I've read what you said and yes I think talking with her would be a good idea even if she gets upset. I rather lose a friend from speaking the truth then have a friend but live a lie.
Well, the extra info hardly changes anything. Teenagers of that age do have trouble with emotional regulation but her case sounds a bit over the top. The fact that she is friendly to her crush does indicate that she actually cares what people think or at least what some people think. An other thought. If you are uncomfortable talking to her in person you could write her a letter or email. This might give her also some time to calm down before responding.
