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How does confessing your feelings work?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by VolpeSolitario, Feb 13, 2016.

  1. VolpeSolitario

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    This may sound silly, but I was just wondering about what happens /after/ you confess - particularly how you part ways. If they reject you, it's awkward, and you have to accept it and just say "see you later" or whatever. If they reciprocate your feelings, what then?? All I can picture in my head is an awkward silence afterwards and not knowing what to do... I'd hope it wouldn't be really dull, awkward, or anti-climactic... like nobody has feelings at all.

    So, how did your confessions go (if you did confess), and what happened afterwards?
     
  2. oliolioli

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    Wish I could contribute to this, but I'd really love to follow it. I'm weighing up whether to confess, and I, too, have great difficulty imagining what would happen next.

    Hopefully you get some good responses!
     
  3. ModernCat

    ModernCat Guest

    I can only tell you what happens if you get rejected.

    I admitted my feelings in front of someone once, at my last day of school.

    Even if he had feelings for me, it would've been pointless for him to not reject me. We're not likely to meet ever.

    We went on a date once before and at that time it seemed we were very much into each other.
    After that day I was waiting for so long, looking for chances to talk to him and to hold him in my arms again. He acted shy around me all the time, I assumed he still felt something for me.

    Now back to my last day of school. He said he used to have feelings for me. And he was sorry if he hurt my feelings. Then we hugged.

    I did what many people do when they get their feelings hurt. I ran up to my female friend, cried and had ice cream and donuts together. We were calling him all the curse words and yadayada.

    Even if him and I were never in a real relationship, it felt like a brakeup. I fell hard on this one.

    It's been a LONG ago. It took a few months to get over it.

    To think back on it now, he might've been trying to be respectful as he can when he rejected me. Except leading someone on before it came to this.

    Now I'm crushing on someone else again, this time someone quite unexpected.
     
    #3 ModernCat, Feb 14, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2016
  4. YeahpIdk

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    A Story of REJECTION:

    Alright. So when I was in my last year at university and "straight," I met this girl. I had been around her for many months, but never dealt with her directly, so my life was normal. THEN, I have to work on a project with her. We're outside, talking, laughing -- and she smiles. Suffice it to say, I no longer identify as straight. Obviously this took many years and months of soul searching and whatnot.

    She identified as queer - which made my "straight" self abnormally happy. We became friends really, really quickly - just clicked with humor and demeanor, plus I thought she was gorgeous. Then came all the stuff of twelve year old romance you only see in cute movies: crazy butterflies, awkward eye contact, hand holding, and then some innocent flirting that would easily turn pretty adult. Despite their actions screaming I WANT TO BE WITH YOU/I LIKE YOU, they never actually made a move. This went on for many months. I was going insane. "Sort of straight." And freaking out. I wanted to be with her, and knew I needed to say something because it was actually making me sick and anxious from so much confusion.

    I write her this insanely, horribly long email confessing my feelings and saying I can't do the in between thing anymore. To (half of) my shock, and slight disbelief because of the way they acted, they said they didn't have feelings like that for me at all. They let me down nicely, but it was still horribly awkward due to the way they'd been acting, we didn't talk for a week, they contacted me, and slowly we stopped speaking. I'd be mortified if I ever saw them in person. Well, only slightly. They should be more embarrassed than I based solely on actions.

    My advice:

    If this person you want to divulge feelings to has been being flirty but unclear with intentions, they're probably just being flirty.

    I would only say something if you have real evidence that they have ACTUAL romantic feelings for you.

    If you have to tell because it's affecting you and you need to move on/just know -- be as unemotional about it as possible in your delivery.

    If you're super, super into them in a way that you're thinking about them ALL the time and they're not reciprocating the same -- wait until you can be more calm about what you're doing. Get your feelings in better control, and be completely okay with any answer they'd give you (this doesn't always work. I promised myself I'd be fine with a no. Totally wasn't).

    Act instead of talk. Do something romantic that would help you see if they actually feel the same as you. Like, get close to them, say something flirty, and see how they react. That's the best way to do it without totally putting yourself out on the line. Also, if they're doing something to make you think they like you back, but never make a real move, say something joking like -- okay, stop flirting with me. This way it could seem like you're interested, but also not. Also do this after you've let your feelings calm down if they're super heightened at the moment.

    Sometimes I wish the person I told my feelings to and I were still friends. But I was WAY too into them, and since they were so okay with confusing me, I see that it wasn't worth being friends with them -- because that's a really bad friend/personality trait, to lead someone on. Also I still liked them way too much. It's hard to be friends with anyone you're romantically interested in.

    So, if that's something that might be going on with you, hopefully my story can give you some perspective. :slight_smile:
     
  5. VolpeSolitario

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    That's gonna be really hard to find out... we're both super shy guys.

    This is pretty much my situation. I've had a crush on this guy for ages and it's destroying me.

    I have no idea how to do this. I'm not a very touchy person and can't really flirt. It's hard to even hold a conversation with this guy at the moment. I would wait until we were closer, but as I said, it's really painful and I don't think I can wait much longer.
     
  6. YeahpIdk

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    I would stay away from the conversation for the moment. If you can't even hold a real conversation and need to wait until you're closer, it's going to be all of your vulnerability at once.

    Is there something that makes you think this person feels the same? Give a little background so it's easier to see your situation. Believe me. I only wish I would have had this space before I told my person so I could get completely objective view points. And is this person straight?
     
  7. VolpeSolitario

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    I'm really not sure what their sexual orientation is.. but I suspect they might be gay. I can only base this on stereotypes though - he likes electronic/dance music, most of his friends are girls, he's shy.

    There aren't really any signals that he likes me back...
    Well, we're both awkward with eye contact. I noticed that even when we just say "Hi" to each other, the eye contact lingers for a few seconds. Other times when we make eye contact we'll immediately look away. I think he knows I like him by now. I've hinted that I like him loads just by how many times I've gone out of my way to sit next to him, and other stuff like art.

    Maybe it's too early to guess whether he likes me or not, but recently we were playing a game that involved pointing, and he grabbed my wrist out of nowhere. It's only little I guess, but it was unnecessary so I just thought it might be a sign he likes me.
     
  8. bookreader

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    If you're not ready to confess, just take your time. Now, this guy I think that he`s just shy. A lot of people can be shy.
     
  9. Ravi-VIXX777

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    I tried confessing to my first crush through facebook. He took it well, but he was straight-although you'd think he wasn't if you saw how he acted. I hate guys like that and dislike him now.

    I had a new crush a few months ago and tried talking to him, but it seemed like he was losing interest or felt I wasn't a priority. Which was fine with me, but I asked for his number as a last resort and he declined. I just stopped talking to him from then on.

    I'm not wasting my time on someone who isn't clear about his intentions and because I hate playing games. So I am comfortable being by myself at the moment-even if its Valentine's Day aha.
     
  10. YeahpIdk

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    Alright!

    This is what I'm going to say: don't say anything right now.

    I know where your brain's at. It's in intoxicated lovey dovey drunk land. This is why you need to work the emotions out on your for right now.

    I really, really encourage you to (first even out your feelings) try being more active in person with him. It's a much better tool to gage a reaction and understand where that person is at. Not ALWAYS, but a lot of the time. If they're receptive to your flirting/being a little touchy feely (like you said his touch was unnecessary - do it back to him now and see what happens), it's a good way to see how far you can take it. In this respect, obviously if you can get romantically flirty with this guy, there's a really good chance they like you back and you can feel a little freer and more secure to tell them you're into them - do they feel the same?

    As of right now, you're saying that you can barely talk to him and don't even know his orientation. I know your mind is cloudy, but take a step back and think about how premature throwing all of these feelings (that you don't ever show in public - so it can wind up looking really awkward even if they're on the fence) at him all at once would be. You would literally be the only one standing out on the ledge saying all of these things. I know it seems romantic and like a good idea, but it's often not, especially at this point in your relationship. I told my feelings to my crush who was making more moves than I was and THEY rejected me.

    I know you're all hazy and in love land, but my best advice is to calm yourself down and think about telling them how you feel at another time.

    Some things to do in the mean time:

    • write what you'd say to him and post it up on here (you'd want to rewrite it anyway, believe me).

    • write what you'd say to him and keep it. Look at it in a few months and think about it more then.

    • get a hobby going to get your mind off of him and this and come back to it.



    **You could also just choose to go through with it. You never know until you do. I just give this advice based on what you're saying and if you would be crushed to be rejected by them - but it happens to the best of us!


    Feel free to write on my wall if you want to talk more!