I got to know a girl online end of January 2016 but we have yet to meet face to face. Whenever I tell her that I'll be meeting with a friend who is a girl, she'll ask if I'm dating that friend. I kept telling her that I only date her and no one else. Every time after I got home, she'll ask how the date went. And I would have to keep telling her that it was not a date but only an outing. Every time I go out, I not only will tell her that I'm meeting a friend who is a girl, I'll also tell her that we'll chat at night because I'll be busy entertaining that friend. But she'll checkup on me via messaging during the meeting. I couldn't reply because that friend and me were so busy chatting away. Now she tells me that I didn't want to reply. I had to keep telling her that I've already told her my schedule and that we'll chat at night. Then she says that I could reply but didn't want to. I told her that replying her message while chatting with that friend is unpolite and uncouth of me. And furthermore that friend was from another state who is visiting. Then she told me that she believes there is time also to do things we want to do if we think its more important even if we are very busy. Replying her is more important than the person in front of me??? That person is chatting with me because there's only the two of us and no one else. So, I'm to stop that person from chatting while I reply her messages??? I kept telling her that person is from another state visiting. So, I'm to be unpolite to that person because replying her is more important??? I told her that when you love someone, you'll be more understanding and not demanding that your every needs must be above everything else. And that that's selfish not love. She even has the cheek to tell me that she didn't demand anything. Demanding that I reply even when I'm busy is not demanding??? I guess we must be using two different dictionaries... So, what do you guys and gals think?
Well yeah she does seem demanding. It's like she's trying to hog your attention. Also it occured to me that she is a bit paranoid. You both are in a relationship right? She could be a bit more trusting than that.
This is someone that, most likely, has really terrible self esteem. With people like this, the message playing in their head all the time is "I'm not good enough for this person " which is why she is so clingy and controlling. If it were me, this would not be a relationship I would stick with. She has way too much self-work to do, and that assumes she's even willing to acknowledge that and start doing the work. You deserve better.
Yeah, no. Someone who is jealous of your friends is a bad bad idea. She considers you talking to your friends a date? Um no. She expects you to drop everything because she has texted you? Big no. She needs to back off and trust you, and stop being so possessive. You don't mention ages, I'm assuming teens?
Hi all! Thanks everyone for your advices. We're girlfriends now even though we haven't met yet. We live in different states of the same country. She keeps asking me if I love her. I told her I like her a lot and that I'll tell her if I love her when we meet in real life. We've only known each other less than 1 month. I need to meet a person in real life in order for me to love them. I think her low self esteem could have resulted from her exs being "unfaithful" to her. That's what she told me, that all of ex-gfs were unfaithful to her. That's one of the reasons why I always tell her what I'm doing or will do. I had to tell her to trust me. But yet she doesn't. I think she'll always carry a baggage with her to each new relationships even though it's a new person. Sad to say but we're both in our early forties with me being a few years older. She's my first girlfriend. I've never dated anyone. I've probably jumped in too fast. Maybe I should get to know someone better for a longer time before I decide whether to pursue a relationship with that person. The problem is she doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that she's actually demanding. She told me that she hasn't demanded anything. That requiring me to reply while I'm out with a friend is a requirement between 2 girlfriends or lovers. And that I'll understand with the passing of time. It seems to me, she has trouble understanding what I wrote because most of the time I had to write repeatedly what I had written previously. And her usage of present tense and past tense is interchangeable. And I think she still has personal emotions to resolve before entering a new relationship. Should I tell her that I'm not who she's looking for? Or should I just refrain from replying any of her messages? Or should I tell her that I'm frustrated about our communication problems?
Ok...40's? This is behaviour I would expect from teens...not a woman my age.. And expecting you to text is absolutely and utterly not a requirement...hell no. I'm thinking her ex's didn't cheat on her, but they refused to comply with her unreasonable conditions... I'd be getting out while you can tbh...you'll be branded as an unfaithful ex but you can do so much better...
A classical clinger. She demands you to ignore your friends and you guys haven even met! Just imagine how it's going to be if you take the relationship any further. She will metaphorically chain you to the basement. If you guys were living in the same town and if she otherwise was really great I would suggest you could try to work her issues. However, since you live in different states it's not worth the hassle. I would tell her that this thing between you two is not working. Cite that she is being clingy and her behavior is abnormal. If she insists otherwise tell her you asked your friend's opinion and they all agreed. Now, it's up to you if you want to be friends with her but don't make the mistake of trying to remain friends if you do it out of guilt. It's not right or good for either of you. Don't just ignore her messages. No matter what kind of nut job she is, she is still another human being who deserves to be told how the matters are.
You need to tell her she's too demanding and that you want to break up. For her to be acting like this after only knowing her for 1 month, is a scary thing. It will get much worse. I know from personal experience.
Get out whilst you can she sounds controlling, what happens when you do finally meet does she check your phone and computer does she stop you seeing your friends at all you're worth more and a girlfriend is suppost to protect you but not smother you and that's what could happen here
Tell her that she needs to solve whatever issues she has. Then break up and ask her if you would like to remain friends.
Hello everybody! Thanks all for your advices. After reading everyone's advices, I've decided to breakup with her. I now realised that her actions are clingy and also her insecurities mean that she's not actually ready for a normal healthy relationship. I've also decided to send her a message but I'm having trouble writing a message that would not increase her insecurity level. How would the following sound: This thing between us is not working. I feel smothered. In a healthy relationship, each partner gives the other partner spaces and trust each other. If one of the partners needs to be reassured of faithfulness by interrogating the other of why that partner didn't reply her message, that is being clingy and insecured. The clingy partner should be more understanding that the other partner also needs her own timeout with her friends and that there's a possibility that the other partner didn't have the opportunity to reply. Always thinking that the other partner is out to have an affair is an immature and insecure thinking. I wish you all the best in your future undertakings. Would the above be alright or is it too long? What are the main points that I should include and which part I should leave out?
I totally think you are making the right decision here. As for the message, I'd keep it really short and sweet. She won't be interested in hearing what healthy behaviors look like because she is too caught up in her own emotions. So I'd simply say that you didn't feel it was a good fit, and need some time by yourself or something of that nature... And leave it at that. Also, for future reference: I'd seriously doubt it. Far more likely that given her poor self esteem, the people she was connecting with probably were really unhealthy to begin with, and she stuck with them because she didn't believe she deserved better. People in their 40s don't develop those behaviors in a couple of years; it takes decades. To be honest, I was shocked and assumed, by your description of her behavior that she was in her teens.
